FLY

I can't quite comprehend the chain of events for today. One disappointing news after another, and another. I must be doing something wrong, or maybe I'm just not bracing myself right. I could probably be too... 'emo'... like they say, about things. But honestly, I don't understand why it's so difficult to be supportive, honest, even concerned.

It started with a team-mate getting quite tired of trying to find his own niche. Then someone close to me, instead of understanding, told me to wake up. Then a third simply couldn't keep a promise.

Perhaps I tried too hard to prove myself. Tried too hard to achieve successes that never were meant mine. Or perhaps I'm trying to, despite trying a lot, and achieved much, get a better sense of myself, by proving myself that I am worthwhile. Somehow. Maybe the insecurities gave way to all these struggles, attempting repeatedly what is unnecessary and futile in the end. Just to give myself a sense of worth.

I'm afraid to post this on tblog. The outcry (whichever emotive direction it takes), overwhelms me sometimes. Not that I hate the attention, and sometimes I find myself needing it badly, I just don't want to cause any stirs. Especially now that so many issues that pertains mainly to the human heart, is volatile.

As so long I have a steady income that feeds my family's, loved ones' and friends' ego of material driven logic, I think all matters of the heart can lay to rest. Because nobody cares anymore, and nobody gives a damn to how I feel anymore. Sidelined.

I've already heard the common descriptors:
"part and parcel"
"time will come, and has come"
"that's just life"
"what's new?"

All in my face. Oh well. Perhaps, that's just life after all.

Give me a sign. Someone. Point me a direction. Tell me where this is all going. I simply don't understand what is going on anymore.