GREEN

I was watching tv, some variety program going on, and Soda Green was getting on with a singing game. Gosh, didn't realise they were gay, and the lead singer's so darn cute I could just fall in love.

Been missing a lot of blogs lately. Been busy definitely and way blown-off my line of thoughts on too many occasions to even begin with. Good thing is that the situation has locked down somewhat, but the paranoia sets in just because it feels weird to be having free time.

For the last 2 months, I'm either still at work at this hour, or fast asleep because I was too sick to keep myself up. As for tonight, I don't know. Seems like an easy night to just... you know... blog.

Finally got done with the show. Exhausted from like a hundred rehearsals and over the show itself, massive responses from the people who showed up, complete with fan cue cards that read "Nightsound we love you" and "Forever we remember you!" LOL. Those were the highlights, awfully cute and heartening.

Then that's it. The end. All done and packed to go back to where we all came from. I would have loved to just keep hitting the roads with the band, keep making music, keep enjoying music, keep listening to other music, keep exploring music, keep loving music. Perhaps, not this lifetime. Maybe some day we be back in the limelight.

Listening to Alicia's New York, made me wonder if I could be traveling somewhere too. Go places, see places, enjoy, find some inspirations somewhere. Then a friend in Taiwan wrote, said the weather's been freaky cold. All I ever got here was the sun. Hot, humid weather that gets an occasional dose of showers. And here I am admiring the cold in Taiwan. I still remember this old Japanese couple who came over to Singapore to do some research with premium access to the Studio Gibli Museum. I want to go there to. See Totoro and maybe catch the Cat-bus.

I can't believe I've stayed here all these while for all the wrong reasons. It's stifling but I can't seem to find a good reason enough to excuse myself from this place. For the folks, the family, for like everybody else except myself. I want to get somewhere. And I hope soon. I'm getting depressed just being here.

Laments laments. That's what you're here for bloggy! LOL.

Hmm... can I blame some people for a change? Can I blame my folks for letting everyone else do what they want, let them fail, then got me into a tight spot to achieve big cos everyone didn't live up to their expectations?

Can I blame my teacher for calling me a bad egg cos I didn't read that magazine my friend just threw over to me? And I felt like shit for many more years after that that I did no wrong, but felt like as if I did? And I kept feeling like I'll always screw up somehow?

Can I blame my friend who misplaced my best friend's note book, and my best friend thought I hid it so that he couldn't study for the test? And made him angry with me for days, before we found it under someone else's desk? That made me feel like I got shot in the war-zone by friendly fire?

Can I blame my colleague in the army who let go of his side of the load, and nearly cracked my spine? Had me in pain for years after, with no respite? No cure? Just a really bad ache and sprain that won't go over? That I could freeze in bed sometimes at night, and just go numb for hours?

Can I blame the people who made use of me to get what they want? Made me write music for their selfish reasons, went on their way thereafter and forgot about me? I ain't asking for credits, I want to keep working together?

Can I blame my ex-manager who never gave me a chance to stay in the company, just because the boss hired me and she didn't? That she got angry just because her authority was side-stepped by the boss? Her boss? And she wanted me out that bad that made me thought I was a bad worker? Unworthy for the company?

I would love to go see New York some day. But before that, Taiwan's night markets will be fun, and Japan's cityscape must be a sight to behold. Oh, perhaps Australia might have something's nice, like an old friend and her home? LOL. Heard plenty about Thailand, South Korea, Cambodia, and even Vietnam too, and where was I all these time?

Fucking life. Do I need to wait till I'm 50 years on, made a tidy sum of savings just to spend it all over the world in frail health and diminished mental state? I love looking at pictures, especially those of my younger friends who traveled tons. Almost seem like I was there, and that affinity gets closer cos I know them. Oh gosh. This life is pre-destined. And mine's really badly programmed with mediocre to rotten luck and opportunities. Imagine getting hired, and 4 months later told to take over the manager's position just cos the boss couldn't stand having a manager that sells more products than him?

Kudos to Soda Green for taking their step forward. Love the music.

And thanks Alicia, for keeping me coming tonight =)