CRUSHiNG

You are crushing.

Just as the world is promised, the world is un-promised. I cannot comprehend how people can say one thing and do another altogether. Is that right? Is that even the proper way of working something out at all?

It feels really bad when someone agrees to something to me, or assures me of something, and the next moment, it's completely different. Do you ever get that? While I try to deliver my words, people default without even needing to try.

Crushing.

If the feeling is akin to having the end of a shoelace stuck in between the foot and the shoe itself, I guess it'll be easier to bear.

Crushing.

To think I actually bore such occurrences, I must be really dying to be noticed, loved, or even asked about. It's almost like I'm in a state of attention-deficit or something. Oh well, perhaps it is time after all to cut some people out of my life for good, instead of hoping that they'll come around.

Gosh, I'm actually hungry, running in between this blog and the studio, dumping out music for an artiste. I can't hide my excitement, but things of late isn't looking too bright, so that sort of leveled things back to neutrality.

Since I last realised how few people I actually can call in an instant, I've been trying hard to keep a look out for luck-mates. Like they say, birds of a feather flock together, and it gets irritating doing things all by yourself after a long long while. And as the search goes on relentlessly, I also discovered how people tend to just sweep me aside for the fact that I'm useless lest I've something to offer.

Pragmatic in a way I suppose, but hey, I probably did the same to some people anyway. Pots and kettles will eventually get black.

Mounting bills, discolored interests, increasing stress... OMG. Given a million dollars, I might just head to the doctor for a check-up first, and make sure I know what's wrong with me for certain.

I've been lying to myself for the longest time that there is no medication for my condition. Point is, I can't afford it. So yeah, let's live and let live, see where I end up eventually. I do wish at times that life is a real flash, yet on other days, I hate the fact that I'll fall before the average census death age. Sucky, but while, too many should haves and what ifs to count to put things back into perspective isn't it?

Who's really reading this I wonder? Besides this little girl I take as a little sister that's been snooping around for info! LOL.

Jolly well, I should think I need to get some rest soon.