Tuesday, December 25, 2007
HAPPY CHRiSTMAS & MERRY NEW YEAR!
And I got: the incredible iPod Touch, a designer name design framed, an exquisite Jack Daniel's Zippo, a fabulous pair of Everlast briefs (!), a Thirsty Al Crumpler pouch, and I should have one or 2 more pressies on the way (fingers crossed). My own self-pressie: a colorful Benetton pull-over and 2 cheapo IPZ singlets! Could have been more awesome if only they didn't shut the Astro outlet for new stocks arrival. Oh well. Merry Christmas all!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
WHAT iF?
I was told it would take long, and that it would take really long.
I don't know, after so many days, I'm still quite hung up about the show, the run up to it, and the aftermath. It hurts when so many people thought it was awesome: nobody ever said that about me, my music, or my dreams. It feels like some earthquake rendition of a heartache.
I really don't know. Turning back the time wouldn't be the same, moving forward seems tough, and looking back is unthinkable.
tblog is down, and I'm forced to throw stuff that don't belong here again. Perhaps, there will come a time when I can truly lay and rest without thinking and lamenting about me.
I don't know, after so many days, I'm still quite hung up about the show, the run up to it, and the aftermath. It hurts when so many people thought it was awesome: nobody ever said that about me, my music, or my dreams. It feels like some earthquake rendition of a heartache.
I really don't know. Turning back the time wouldn't be the same, moving forward seems tough, and looking back is unthinkable.
tblog is down, and I'm forced to throw stuff that don't belong here again. Perhaps, there will come a time when I can truly lay and rest without thinking and lamenting about me.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
AND ACROSS i FEEL
It's funny, I spread myself across 4 different blogs, spelling out numerous responses that just don't quite seem to add up sometimes. One, I rant and scream in, another I drop my professional opinions, yet one more that is totally secret and oblivious to people that no one even knows there is one, and this, this is probably the saddest of them all. It lacks update, it hears my fears, it sees my flaws, and feels my sorrows. Everyone has some degree of retardness and personality disorders, yet no one openly admits it.
I, across 2 Is and a world blog and a anime blog, just somehow point to a deeper chasm of thoughts than just one straight lace on I tblog. Chaining all four could possibly put and piece me together, but on all fours.
It's rainging again and again and again. Please stop. I can't handle the pressure much longer.
I, across 2 Is and a world blog and a anime blog, just somehow point to a deeper chasm of thoughts than just one straight lace on I tblog. Chaining all four could possibly put and piece me together, but on all fours.
It's rainging again and again and again. Please stop. I can't handle the pressure much longer.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
SURELY
"If I could be any dream that you want, any dream will do, any dream I'll become."
"If I could be a light in your shadow, to show you the way, a light I'll be one."
"If I could be a stranger in a bus, alone in this world, unknown to everyone. It could have been any other way, but if I really am, will you walk with me, and talk to me, and laugh with me? Surely I am someone, don't take it away from me. Give me my time, I know I'm awake. Be with me, hold on to my hands, surely I am someone, don't take it away from me. Be kind. I know I'm awake. Sure I am someone."
I'll like to tell you what I think. I would like to think that I am not gifted. Neither am I rich with intelligence. But One thing's for sure, I know I'm hurt. This past week has been so messed up to the point it isn't even worth mentioning no more. But today, finally, I see the difference. I'm finally taking a real breather. No backlogs, no offenses, no urgency.
And I started this brand new week with a pork chop down with mushroom sauce. Twenty bucks worth, just to half-crying tell myself everything's gonna be okay.
There was this once, when I was training in Thailand, the bus taking us to the airport made a pitstop. We got off, and it was just this huge giant gas station with a restaurant that overlooked miles of dusty land. And since, I've only written Surely based on that.
I felt like crying. But tears. So dry.
"If I could be a light in your shadow, to show you the way, a light I'll be one."
"If I could be a stranger in a bus, alone in this world, unknown to everyone. It could have been any other way, but if I really am, will you walk with me, and talk to me, and laugh with me? Surely I am someone, don't take it away from me. Give me my time, I know I'm awake. Be with me, hold on to my hands, surely I am someone, don't take it away from me. Be kind. I know I'm awake. Sure I am someone."
I'll like to tell you what I think. I would like to think that I am not gifted. Neither am I rich with intelligence. But One thing's for sure, I know I'm hurt. This past week has been so messed up to the point it isn't even worth mentioning no more. But today, finally, I see the difference. I'm finally taking a real breather. No backlogs, no offenses, no urgency.
And I started this brand new week with a pork chop down with mushroom sauce. Twenty bucks worth, just to half-crying tell myself everything's gonna be okay.
There was this once, when I was training in Thailand, the bus taking us to the airport made a pitstop. We got off, and it was just this huge giant gas station with a restaurant that overlooked miles of dusty land. And since, I've only written Surely based on that.
I felt like crying. But tears. So dry.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
HAPPY ENDiNGS
Didn't happen today. In fact, the presentation was so bad, I nearly chased the clients out. I'm not trying to be mean, but paying low for high quality, that's really stretching it. I can't simply do it without feeling hurt. Fact is, I don't owe them an explanation, I just kept agreeing with their nonsense so that they would just get it over and done with. Just leave.
I'm really discouraged. Not by my work, but by being bullied consistently without making a clear stand for myself for the last 2 years. I just mellowed and quietened so much to the point I don't even know myself anymore.
It's hard to explain. And spanning over 4 blogs, I don't even know which one I should really enter right now. Save for a few hint of democracy amidst my utmost yearning to keep the secrecy of it all, it's getting plain tiring trying to find a hole to hide. And I'm just about out of holes to do that.
Someone up there: I know I've been bad. Take it out on me, yeah, but don't drag all them I love along. It's not right. And benevolence was supposed to be boundless, limitless, and not the opposite of revenge. Please. Give me a breather. If it isn't tough getting the company running and having the show on, it's tougher trying to keep my sanity with all these eccentrics you are throwing at me.
I love my job. To the point I'll kill myself. Let's, not go there.
I'm really discouraged. Not by my work, but by being bullied consistently without making a clear stand for myself for the last 2 years. I just mellowed and quietened so much to the point I don't even know myself anymore.
It's hard to explain. And spanning over 4 blogs, I don't even know which one I should really enter right now. Save for a few hint of democracy amidst my utmost yearning to keep the secrecy of it all, it's getting plain tiring trying to find a hole to hide. And I'm just about out of holes to do that.
Someone up there: I know I've been bad. Take it out on me, yeah, but don't drag all them I love along. It's not right. And benevolence was supposed to be boundless, limitless, and not the opposite of revenge. Please. Give me a breather. If it isn't tough getting the company running and having the show on, it's tougher trying to keep my sanity with all these eccentrics you are throwing at me.
I love my job. To the point I'll kill myself. Let's, not go there.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
CONSERVATORY
It's funny - there can be many things in life that we all earn and achieve, but there will still be the disappointments and regrets of not having. Its not about greed or laments - its just being human.
I was doing some research across the web, when I chanced upon the local conservatory of music. Browsing the pages, my heart sank deeper into self-pity and dreaded regrets. As each professor's face fill the page, as more information surfaced, as more residents of the conservatory showed up, I envied more and more the lives in which they lived.
I come from a middle-income family, and opportunities were resticted limited by age-old maxims and cultural traditions. Music fell into the category of wasted time, and therefore, translates into poor career advancement foundation.
And because I was a late bloom, I never showed THAT many signs of talent in music, disregarding the fact that I used to stand by the kitchen door and sing to my sisters while they share the routine kitchen cleaning, or for the fact that I sing along to the stereo everytime my nanny puts a record on.
Those were obviously bad signs of interests, passion and talent. Unlike today where talent spotting is a multi-million industry by itself, I was set in the 'stone-age' of Columbus' discoveries.
As I read the criterias for admission, it suddenly dawned on me that, "Hey, I could still do this!" But faced with a multitude of obligations and a whole line of tie-ups, it's hard to drop the luggage and just jump out the flight to do a dream skydive. Not discounting the fact that, who's gonna pay the bills for a grown-up man's education now?
As more articles of testimonials and write-ups loaded, I can't help but draw myself into a picturesque me, standing at some famous music halls, belting out my most emotional violin solo, or my haunting cello wails. I almost felt the roses kiss my cheeks after that world premiering piano recital.
Aah. Gone are the days of day-dreaming which my mother has taught me to put aside most quickly after the family fell into some financial troubles, which, not only made education all the more important, but certainly displaced music as even an option to alternative studies, or even a weekend leisurely course to take for enrichment. I'll be damned if I said it was okay.
The only consolation I have is the fact that I have learnt to compose my own tunes, write my own songs, all for the fun of it. Be it an opportuned activity aimed to sell any product, the least that could be of help is to hold tightly a forgotten dream, and a wasted passion.
I can wish for the next 50 years that this is that and that is this - but I'll have it no other way. Keep wishing. And I'll leave the real living of dreaming to the younger ones around me.
I was doing some research across the web, when I chanced upon the local conservatory of music. Browsing the pages, my heart sank deeper into self-pity and dreaded regrets. As each professor's face fill the page, as more information surfaced, as more residents of the conservatory showed up, I envied more and more the lives in which they lived.
I come from a middle-income family, and opportunities were resticted limited by age-old maxims and cultural traditions. Music fell into the category of wasted time, and therefore, translates into poor career advancement foundation.
And because I was a late bloom, I never showed THAT many signs of talent in music, disregarding the fact that I used to stand by the kitchen door and sing to my sisters while they share the routine kitchen cleaning, or for the fact that I sing along to the stereo everytime my nanny puts a record on.
Those were obviously bad signs of interests, passion and talent. Unlike today where talent spotting is a multi-million industry by itself, I was set in the 'stone-age' of Columbus' discoveries.
As I read the criterias for admission, it suddenly dawned on me that, "Hey, I could still do this!" But faced with a multitude of obligations and a whole line of tie-ups, it's hard to drop the luggage and just jump out the flight to do a dream skydive. Not discounting the fact that, who's gonna pay the bills for a grown-up man's education now?
As more articles of testimonials and write-ups loaded, I can't help but draw myself into a picturesque me, standing at some famous music halls, belting out my most emotional violin solo, or my haunting cello wails. I almost felt the roses kiss my cheeks after that world premiering piano recital.
Aah. Gone are the days of day-dreaming which my mother has taught me to put aside most quickly after the family fell into some financial troubles, which, not only made education all the more important, but certainly displaced music as even an option to alternative studies, or even a weekend leisurely course to take for enrichment. I'll be damned if I said it was okay.
The only consolation I have is the fact that I have learnt to compose my own tunes, write my own songs, all for the fun of it. Be it an opportuned activity aimed to sell any product, the least that could be of help is to hold tightly a forgotten dream, and a wasted passion.
I can wish for the next 50 years that this is that and that is this - but I'll have it no other way. Keep wishing. And I'll leave the real living of dreaming to the younger ones around me.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
OF ONE WiNE AND A SMOKiNG CiGARETTE
tblog seems to be down with the occasional traffic-overloads, so decided to post blogger first, and see if I could get back there.
I'm not sure what's with me tonight. Maybe cos I was expecting some dinner dates, but they were botched at the eleventh hour. Or maybe cos tomorrow's beach trip that I'm so looking forward to got botched too. Or it could have snowballed from a client who was questioning the amount I was charging her, which most likely, will get botched as well.
I don't know. My mood is just sliding by the minute and tomorrow's trip being canceled just made it worse. It's like, what's wrong with just 2 persons going down to the beach? I ain't no freak and I ain't no stone. I know, I'm lamenting. That's probably that one thing I'm proud of.
I suppose that's the primary reason why I don't keep in touch with a lot of people. Not that I don't want to, but when friends look at me like some... alien - undefined and incomprehensible, it's just hard to bring myself to believe that they are people who don't mind what I am, and just love me for who I am.
Perhaps Irwin has been right all along, people think too much, and whatever that they don't understand, they fear. So, I'm just simply being feared. Which is really sad, considering it's all for the wrong reasons.
Like just a couple days back, mom was in a pretty foul mood. She told me she didn't want to talk about it, and chased me off to work with a frown on her face. I asked cos I was worried if something's terribly wrong, but I just got kicked in my butt.
It's like, I don't blame her, I just hate situations and circumstances that make people evil, uncaring, insensitive, and dodgy. My supposed beach mate tomorrow? Not a word of sorry, but just plain homophobic about it. Trust is skeptical in the face of fears, and fears are the spawn of the unknown. I suppose the best way to keep positive at this point is to blame myself for being too forthcoming, too trustingly naive, and overtly hopeful that the world is full of love and sunshine.
I used to think girls REALLY do grow up faster, but I was wrong. I used to think people DO change, and I was also wrong. Now, I think there isn't a reason for people to trust, or be trusted. Tell me I'm wrong there. Cos I would really love to be.
So, I have a whole day to myself, alone, tomorrow. I can't think of anything to do, nor do I have any spare change to spend. That just simply sucked. I guess I'll pretend to be back at the office to work, put on a show for the family, but just head back to watch some cheap DVDs I picked up earlier today. Yeah, what a bummer day it's gonna be.
And if the band decides to practice, that be great. At least I would have something genuine to occupy myself with.
World? I love you as much as I hate you.
I'm not sure what's with me tonight. Maybe cos I was expecting some dinner dates, but they were botched at the eleventh hour. Or maybe cos tomorrow's beach trip that I'm so looking forward to got botched too. Or it could have snowballed from a client who was questioning the amount I was charging her, which most likely, will get botched as well.
I don't know. My mood is just sliding by the minute and tomorrow's trip being canceled just made it worse. It's like, what's wrong with just 2 persons going down to the beach? I ain't no freak and I ain't no stone. I know, I'm lamenting. That's probably that one thing I'm proud of.
I suppose that's the primary reason why I don't keep in touch with a lot of people. Not that I don't want to, but when friends look at me like some... alien - undefined and incomprehensible, it's just hard to bring myself to believe that they are people who don't mind what I am, and just love me for who I am.
Perhaps Irwin has been right all along, people think too much, and whatever that they don't understand, they fear. So, I'm just simply being feared. Which is really sad, considering it's all for the wrong reasons.
Like just a couple days back, mom was in a pretty foul mood. She told me she didn't want to talk about it, and chased me off to work with a frown on her face. I asked cos I was worried if something's terribly wrong, but I just got kicked in my butt.
It's like, I don't blame her, I just hate situations and circumstances that make people evil, uncaring, insensitive, and dodgy. My supposed beach mate tomorrow? Not a word of sorry, but just plain homophobic about it. Trust is skeptical in the face of fears, and fears are the spawn of the unknown. I suppose the best way to keep positive at this point is to blame myself for being too forthcoming, too trustingly naive, and overtly hopeful that the world is full of love and sunshine.
I used to think girls REALLY do grow up faster, but I was wrong. I used to think people DO change, and I was also wrong. Now, I think there isn't a reason for people to trust, or be trusted. Tell me I'm wrong there. Cos I would really love to be.
So, I have a whole day to myself, alone, tomorrow. I can't think of anything to do, nor do I have any spare change to spend. That just simply sucked. I guess I'll pretend to be back at the office to work, put on a show for the family, but just head back to watch some cheap DVDs I picked up earlier today. Yeah, what a bummer day it's gonna be.
And if the band decides to practice, that be great. At least I would have something genuine to occupy myself with.
World? I love you as much as I hate you.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
TRAiN
Lagging. That's what it is. Falling behind myself. I didn't know why I even bothered to speak with G. It's like... I know what he's like, and I know the kind of attitude he has. Perhaps its cos we used to hang out together, and the affinity just got the better of me. So when he hit a challenge, I took it up. That was seriously dumb. I wasn't trying to play cool, I was simply trying to dig him. And now that I know one thing better - he has all the things to dig, but nothing would be in my favor.
Not that it mattered, but it kinda made things worse? Already alone sort of at the engagement party, I didn't just feel left out, but I didn't feel like I was even there to fill the numbers. If I was, it would have been easy, but knowing that I'm there cos they're obliged to have me there just didn't feel right, and good about it.
Oh well. I'm just whining. So let me be, for bottling up does myself no good.
I actually equated my losses from all the things I've done up to this point... and it totalled to about 4-5k. Not major, but certainly a dent. That could have bought a new G5 (assuming I would physically get the cold hard cash) that I badly need to replace the one at the studio, get some really necessary plugins for the DAW, and certainly pay for maintenance.
Of course, granted, it ain't gonna happen, so I'm just gonna take it that it never happened at all. That, somehow, felt better.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not being petty. I'm just whining. It's just the whole idea that I'm being owed, you know, over something which I voluntarily offered. But people just kinda took it a little too seriously? So they ain't paying me cash, but buying me dinners and drinks? It's as good as payment, and it's just... obligatory.
Sigh. I hardly sigh. But I'm just beat.
Not that it mattered, but it kinda made things worse? Already alone sort of at the engagement party, I didn't just feel left out, but I didn't feel like I was even there to fill the numbers. If I was, it would have been easy, but knowing that I'm there cos they're obliged to have me there just didn't feel right, and good about it.
Oh well. I'm just whining. So let me be, for bottling up does myself no good.
I actually equated my losses from all the things I've done up to this point... and it totalled to about 4-5k. Not major, but certainly a dent. That could have bought a new G5 (assuming I would physically get the cold hard cash) that I badly need to replace the one at the studio, get some really necessary plugins for the DAW, and certainly pay for maintenance.
Of course, granted, it ain't gonna happen, so I'm just gonna take it that it never happened at all. That, somehow, felt better.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not being petty. I'm just whining. It's just the whole idea that I'm being owed, you know, over something which I voluntarily offered. But people just kinda took it a little too seriously? So they ain't paying me cash, but buying me dinners and drinks? It's as good as payment, and it's just... obligatory.
Sigh. I hardly sigh. But I'm just beat.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
SHADES
I'm just kinda slow at making things up these days. It seems hard to just sit and lament anymore, knowing I've got tons of backlog to clear at the office. And being pressed for things isn't exactly very ideal nor conducive to be working within.
So it's Tuesday, and I completely forgot about it? I called home asking if Mom was at her dance club, and Mom picked up the phone. "It's Tuesday, not Wednesday!" I just slapped my forehead.
And for the first time in days, I went home hungry, so that I can tuck into the dinner spread prepared for today's occasion - the Qu Yuan Festivities. Mom insisted I get my ass back home for all the food, and I just promptly finished up and left. It's been a long day. Well, perhaps the coming weeks will reel in better sunshine.
So it's Tuesday, and I completely forgot about it? I called home asking if Mom was at her dance club, and Mom picked up the phone. "It's Tuesday, not Wednesday!" I just slapped my forehead.
And for the first time in days, I went home hungry, so that I can tuck into the dinner spread prepared for today's occasion - the Qu Yuan Festivities. Mom insisted I get my ass back home for all the food, and I just promptly finished up and left. It's been a long day. Well, perhaps the coming weeks will reel in better sunshine.
Friday, June 01, 2007
GiRAFFE
I don't know. Maybe I'm whining. Maybe I'm complaining. But that's how it is. I honestly love my job, I just hate the way I'm being used sometimes for my expertise that had me days in school, months in learning, years in training, decades in looking for the better solution. And what do I end up with? Conceding to favors.
Not that its a bad thing, I don't mind helping out if I have the time seriously. But pushing me hard over a favor isn't exactly very conducive to work things out. For one, it eats up time, adds stress, and tense the situation like a blob of jelly squeezed into a test-tube. Yeah sure, we've all survived it before, but its just being demanding that I hate.
And I already can expect the end formula, a warm smile and a big thank you. What am I?! A static doll with moving arms to get a piece of work done, get thrown about, and when its finished, I'm the greatest?!
Utter Bull.
I've had just about enough going Pro Bono. I sure can help, but I sure can't stand tyrannical behaviors laced with sweet scents of gorgeous niceties. It's disgusting.
I guess what brought me to bitch about myself is sitting here, typing away, eating out of a cup noodle mixed with beer at fucking 2am in the morning. Isn't it pathetic? I work so darn hard yet get bossed around by puny non-payers and got to be home eating chow.
Oh, and the bigger is coming in June, where everything and everyone's gonna be a tupperware party that is plastic to the core. I think I've found enough excuses on others' behalf to clean their own shit.
----------+----------
Vesak Day for the last couple years have been the same - will always be at Godpa's prayers. Funny thing was, I overheard a lady asking (presumedly) her boyfriend why I was given a white amulet while the rest gets a colored one.
I was kinda embarassed cos I was taking up everyone's time for a bit. But thinking back, I should have just turned round and said, "Cos I needed more help!" LOL
Well, she had her blatant attempt to right her feelings of being inferior today. But I guess, if the heart is where it is supposed to be today, she will know better. Of course, telling her who she was kneeling in front of was really tempting...
Oh did I mention the Chinatown Hotel boss has a really mean temper? Kenny and I wrapped at the studio about 2 plus yesterday morning, and had some munchies at the Mac, then, realizing how packed the roads were with hopeful taxi flaggers. Anyway, that's not the point. We were trying to get a cab when this stupid drunk dragged his girl up the hotel entrance, and moments later, he got chased downstairs.
Now normally I see the boss as a really nice and patient guy, you know, hotel owner, customer service, you get the point. But this ass must have said something that seriously pissed him off, that he was yelling profanities at the top of his lungs in the middle of the street!
The best part - while the couple stumbled off, he threw a glass at them! It splattered all across the road, and he was still screaming at the couple! And to get that man angry, I can't imagine what that guy did man!
Still, when we couldn't flag a cab down, we called for one, and headed back to the studio to wait. Guess what? The boss walked towards the direction of where the couple stumbled off to, and was so obviously trying to nail his ass! OMG! This is one pissed guy!
Drama for a change I suppose, though I get that alot round the area, just never really seen one from script to film end. Ha.
----------+----------
Can I just ask, out of curiosity: how many of you will actually buy the next Nightsound album? Or you won't buy before you sample, or you wouldn't even consider it? Or worse, who's Nightsound?
Not that its a bad thing, I don't mind helping out if I have the time seriously. But pushing me hard over a favor isn't exactly very conducive to work things out. For one, it eats up time, adds stress, and tense the situation like a blob of jelly squeezed into a test-tube. Yeah sure, we've all survived it before, but its just being demanding that I hate.
And I already can expect the end formula, a warm smile and a big thank you. What am I?! A static doll with moving arms to get a piece of work done, get thrown about, and when its finished, I'm the greatest?!
Utter Bull.
I've had just about enough going Pro Bono. I sure can help, but I sure can't stand tyrannical behaviors laced with sweet scents of gorgeous niceties. It's disgusting.
I guess what brought me to bitch about myself is sitting here, typing away, eating out of a cup noodle mixed with beer at fucking 2am in the morning. Isn't it pathetic? I work so darn hard yet get bossed around by puny non-payers and got to be home eating chow.
Oh, and the bigger is coming in June, where everything and everyone's gonna be a tupperware party that is plastic to the core. I think I've found enough excuses on others' behalf to clean their own shit.
Vesak Day for the last couple years have been the same - will always be at Godpa's prayers. Funny thing was, I overheard a lady asking (presumedly) her boyfriend why I was given a white amulet while the rest gets a colored one.
I was kinda embarassed cos I was taking up everyone's time for a bit. But thinking back, I should have just turned round and said, "Cos I needed more help!" LOL
Well, she had her blatant attempt to right her feelings of being inferior today. But I guess, if the heart is where it is supposed to be today, she will know better. Of course, telling her who she was kneeling in front of was really tempting...
Oh did I mention the Chinatown Hotel boss has a really mean temper? Kenny and I wrapped at the studio about 2 plus yesterday morning, and had some munchies at the Mac, then, realizing how packed the roads were with hopeful taxi flaggers. Anyway, that's not the point. We were trying to get a cab when this stupid drunk dragged his girl up the hotel entrance, and moments later, he got chased downstairs.
Now normally I see the boss as a really nice and patient guy, you know, hotel owner, customer service, you get the point. But this ass must have said something that seriously pissed him off, that he was yelling profanities at the top of his lungs in the middle of the street!
The best part - while the couple stumbled off, he threw a glass at them! It splattered all across the road, and he was still screaming at the couple! And to get that man angry, I can't imagine what that guy did man!
Still, when we couldn't flag a cab down, we called for one, and headed back to the studio to wait. Guess what? The boss walked towards the direction of where the couple stumbled off to, and was so obviously trying to nail his ass! OMG! This is one pissed guy!
Drama for a change I suppose, though I get that alot round the area, just never really seen one from script to film end. Ha.
Can I just ask, out of curiosity: how many of you will actually buy the next Nightsound album? Or you won't buy before you sample, or you wouldn't even consider it? Or worse, who's Nightsound?
Thursday, April 26, 2007
RAiNY DAY
The day just kept spiraling downwards without an end. I'm so caught in this drift that it isn't making much sense, not at least why it's feeling so darn irritating.
Can't seem to understand this whole persistence of loneliness, if only there is an answer that questions everything else, I would be elated. Till then, I'd rather keep watching what happens than second guessing and acting rashly.
I'm in a foul mood, and a walking time-bomb. Nobody can stop me it seems.
Can't seem to understand this whole persistence of loneliness, if only there is an answer that questions everything else, I would be elated. Till then, I'd rather keep watching what happens than second guessing and acting rashly.
I'm in a foul mood, and a walking time-bomb. Nobody can stop me it seems.
Monday, April 02, 2007
WHY iT'S BEEN
Good call. Considering I have reduced the frequency of posts here by almost two thirds to a once-a-month affair. Not looking very cluttered though. So that's nice.
And after that major heart-stopping project, the days that revisit are akin to restlessness in peace. It's difficult to accustom a back-to-back schedule with a complete row down the stream of open dates. That's scary both for the creativity and the participants involved. Right now, I'm back to the routine empty soul.
I wish to chide and whine but pushing the button to remove thrash from the head somehow made that kind of tough. I can't seem to find anything to complain!
Well. Whatever it may be, I know for sure my problems aren't the least problems.
And after that major heart-stopping project, the days that revisit are akin to restlessness in peace. It's difficult to accustom a back-to-back schedule with a complete row down the stream of open dates. That's scary both for the creativity and the participants involved. Right now, I'm back to the routine empty soul.
I wish to chide and whine but pushing the button to remove thrash from the head somehow made that kind of tough. I can't seem to find anything to complain!
Well. Whatever it may be, I know for sure my problems aren't the least problems.
Friday, March 09, 2007
SOULFOOL iCE
This I gotta blog about: about a month ago, someone emailed me asking if the company would work on collaborations with a music interest group to develop content. No further details were offered, except an invitation to meet and speak. In that reply, I asked specifically what sort of collaborations we were looking at, no replies came.
2 weeks ago, I got a response, telling me that I didn't pick up my phone. Yeah well, so I missed the call, but with dozens of fax calls a week, I would be sceptical about calls understandably. Anyway, I replied politely with my mobile number, but not until 3 days later did I get an SMS, asking me to attend a meeting on that Friday, at 6pm.
I was cool with that despite being in the midst of a lengthy and heavy project, but on that Friday, 6pm, there were no follow ups until 9pm citing ill health that will have to have a reschedule of the meeting to the following day, 2pm.
I was again cool with that. But Friday night's romp at the bars got me up late on Saturday afternoon. By 1:30pm, an SMS came and revealed a late meeting that would force our meeting time to 2:30pm. I was okay, went with the flow, and rushed down to the office.
We were supposed to have the meeting at a fast food restaurant a street away, and, having had no lunch, I decided to do lunch there might as well. At 2:30pm, no calls came, so I kindly sent a message to inform me when whoever's supposed to be there, was there.
Done with lunch in fifteen, I sat till 3pm at the alfresco watching people and wondering if they were the ones I would be meeting up with. Those who seemed potential were none that, but at least there were 2 rather cute chicks sitting right in front of me in the restaurant to ogle at (hey, obvious that would be the best seat no?).
Still, no calls came, no one showed up. I packed myself back to the office, and at 3:30pm, a call came asking for directions to my office.
I provided the details, and in 5 minutes, they reached my doorstep, popped me a call proper, and I opened the door. That 2 rather cute chicks stood right in front of me.
Hiding as much as I could the temper that nearly erupted within that split second, I recomposed myself inside, invited them in, and offered them drinks. The best part? One of the girls saw me at the restaurant seated outside, LOOKING at them.
Wait, that's not the best part. They settled down, we started small pleasantries, and she asked me if they could preview some of my works. I was like... WTF?! Oh did I mention, in between making arrangements to meet, she sent me a message TELLING me to meet up so that she could answer MY queries. I mean, she didn't even tell me her plans! What am I supposed to fucking ask?
AND! She asked to preview my works whatever fuck for?!
I was so darn offended, I rebutted, "Oh, gee, I did so much work I'm not too sure what would be appropriate to show you girls at all! (big friendly smile)"
SHE had the fucking cheek to respond, "No problems, just show us whatever you've done!"
That was when vengeance mode kicked in. I flipped out my showreel, popped it into the DVD player, turned on the big widescreen LCD tv, and courteously offered, "Well, in that case, maybe I can show you some works I've done for TV and the film industry! (BIG BRIGHT SMILE)"
You know what she said? "So what's your latest work? Show us your latest work!"
At this point, I was caught so off-guard by her stupidity that I didn't know I should laugh it off, or simply show her the door. Trust me, that cutesy look of hers suddenly became plaster. I was akin Neo in Matrix looking through her in grids and falling alphabets and numbers, much like Cyclops burning through material in X-Men.
I gladly announced then, "My latest work? Gee. Did so much, but one of them was a film I did last December that won ALL the awards at the (undisclosed here) Film Festival! (HUMBLE, VERY FUCKING HUMBLE GRIN)" That is when she was finally impressed. She battered her eyes and gasp a little, which, I would assume, was quite unintentionally let out. IF, you know what I mean.
So for the next twenty minutes, I showed them some of my most powerful works, explaining that I deal lots in broadcast as well as a variety of music and their creators. For those who know me, I did work with some of the most amazing talents in the industry, although I gladly would just keep that to myself (seriously, in this current tone, don't blame me for being bitchy and overtly pompous please).
Then it happened. I jumped my biggest question: what was she (that girl who makes you slap your forehead a million times kind) looking me up for. Do you know what she said?
Do you fucking know what she said?
"Oh, as I've explained to you, we are a group of music enthusiasts, and we are actually looking for people to collaborate with to get some projects off the ground."
What were some of these projects?
A singing competition that is NON-PROFIT, and talents from there can win prizes from sponsors (potentials like me), and they will be promoted to the industry cos SHE personally feels that the quality of local programming sucked big time, and even those contracted artistes are not explored to their fullest potential because, mind you, BECAUSE our industry was small. AND! Mark my words and I translate, SHE feels that there are a lot of talents out there waiting to be discovered, AND SHE hopes to dig them out.
And who is she? Drum roll please...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SHE, IS, none other, than the girl who comes from a music interest group. AND! SHE! wants to discover new talents, make them big, and overturn the Old Guards whom SHE thinks are not treating talent correctly.
So here's the big question: What am I good for? I asked her, she repeated her whole idea again. If I have ever spoken to any pea-brains, she's the only one.
The only one. I repeat: the only one. I'm sorry, can I rephrase that? I have never, EVER met CLEVERNESS in reverse.
I'm sorry, I just have to get it out of my system. It's like, it rained, you've got no umbrella, you got drenched, and the only shelter in reach is leaking in the roof, is flooded, and is already crowded.
I encourage new ideas, and I certainly would love to pledge my support to young people (mind you, she is probably in her late 20s). But if it's anything I detest, that's pure stupidity.
Then again, she ain't stupid. She's just a personification.
Oh, for those don't understand the word "personification", it comes from "personify", which describes the girl (see above).
She's really good. Emailed and messaged me in English, and asked if I could speak Mandarin. So our entire conversation was in Mandarin, which was tiresome, considering my vocabulary to insult her in her face was so damned limited. Hence, imagine my frustration double-folding throughout.
Ok, you guys can laugh like mad now, I don't mind. Pity me if you prefer, but just to let you know, I'm still willing to support the cause, just as long as I don't need to deal with her.
I'm not in entirety heartless, or devoid of a human side. Neither am I some great person abled and great to support any cause to its fullest potential, but why should those SHE has convinced over her plans suffer and not get help just because SHE herself is stupid in human form?
Loves, I think I've lamented enough. Shan't go on about this like forever. Time to sleep. The current project is taking a toll. Cheers.
2 weeks ago, I got a response, telling me that I didn't pick up my phone. Yeah well, so I missed the call, but with dozens of fax calls a week, I would be sceptical about calls understandably. Anyway, I replied politely with my mobile number, but not until 3 days later did I get an SMS, asking me to attend a meeting on that Friday, at 6pm.
I was cool with that despite being in the midst of a lengthy and heavy project, but on that Friday, 6pm, there were no follow ups until 9pm citing ill health that will have to have a reschedule of the meeting to the following day, 2pm.
I was again cool with that. But Friday night's romp at the bars got me up late on Saturday afternoon. By 1:30pm, an SMS came and revealed a late meeting that would force our meeting time to 2:30pm. I was okay, went with the flow, and rushed down to the office.
We were supposed to have the meeting at a fast food restaurant a street away, and, having had no lunch, I decided to do lunch there might as well. At 2:30pm, no calls came, so I kindly sent a message to inform me when whoever's supposed to be there, was there.
Done with lunch in fifteen, I sat till 3pm at the alfresco watching people and wondering if they were the ones I would be meeting up with. Those who seemed potential were none that, but at least there were 2 rather cute chicks sitting right in front of me in the restaurant to ogle at (hey, obvious that would be the best seat no?).
Still, no calls came, no one showed up. I packed myself back to the office, and at 3:30pm, a call came asking for directions to my office.
I provided the details, and in 5 minutes, they reached my doorstep, popped me a call proper, and I opened the door. That 2 rather cute chicks stood right in front of me.
Hiding as much as I could the temper that nearly erupted within that split second, I recomposed myself inside, invited them in, and offered them drinks. The best part? One of the girls saw me at the restaurant seated outside, LOOKING at them.
Wait, that's not the best part. They settled down, we started small pleasantries, and she asked me if they could preview some of my works. I was like... WTF?! Oh did I mention, in between making arrangements to meet, she sent me a message TELLING me to meet up so that she could answer MY queries. I mean, she didn't even tell me her plans! What am I supposed to fucking ask?
AND! She asked to preview my works whatever fuck for?!
I was so darn offended, I rebutted, "Oh, gee, I did so much work I'm not too sure what would be appropriate to show you girls at all! (big friendly smile)"
SHE had the fucking cheek to respond, "No problems, just show us whatever you've done!"
That was when vengeance mode kicked in. I flipped out my showreel, popped it into the DVD player, turned on the big widescreen LCD tv, and courteously offered, "Well, in that case, maybe I can show you some works I've done for TV and the film industry! (BIG BRIGHT SMILE)"
You know what she said? "So what's your latest work? Show us your latest work!"
At this point, I was caught so off-guard by her stupidity that I didn't know I should laugh it off, or simply show her the door. Trust me, that cutesy look of hers suddenly became plaster. I was akin Neo in Matrix looking through her in grids and falling alphabets and numbers, much like Cyclops burning through material in X-Men.
I gladly announced then, "My latest work? Gee. Did so much, but one of them was a film I did last December that won ALL the awards at the (undisclosed here) Film Festival! (HUMBLE, VERY FUCKING HUMBLE GRIN)" That is when she was finally impressed. She battered her eyes and gasp a little, which, I would assume, was quite unintentionally let out. IF, you know what I mean.
So for the next twenty minutes, I showed them some of my most powerful works, explaining that I deal lots in broadcast as well as a variety of music and their creators. For those who know me, I did work with some of the most amazing talents in the industry, although I gladly would just keep that to myself (seriously, in this current tone, don't blame me for being bitchy and overtly pompous please).
Then it happened. I jumped my biggest question: what was she (that girl who makes you slap your forehead a million times kind) looking me up for. Do you know what she said?
Do you fucking know what she said?
"Oh, as I've explained to you, we are a group of music enthusiasts, and we are actually looking for people to collaborate with to get some projects off the ground."
What were some of these projects?
A singing competition that is NON-PROFIT, and talents from there can win prizes from sponsors (potentials like me), and they will be promoted to the industry cos SHE personally feels that the quality of local programming sucked big time, and even those contracted artistes are not explored to their fullest potential because, mind you, BECAUSE our industry was small. AND! Mark my words and I translate, SHE feels that there are a lot of talents out there waiting to be discovered, AND SHE hopes to dig them out.
And who is she? Drum roll please...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SHE, IS, none other, than the girl who comes from a music interest group. AND! SHE! wants to discover new talents, make them big, and overturn the Old Guards whom SHE thinks are not treating talent correctly.
So here's the big question: What am I good for? I asked her, she repeated her whole idea again. If I have ever spoken to any pea-brains, she's the only one.
The only one. I repeat: the only one. I'm sorry, can I rephrase that? I have never, EVER met CLEVERNESS in reverse.
I'm sorry, I just have to get it out of my system. It's like, it rained, you've got no umbrella, you got drenched, and the only shelter in reach is leaking in the roof, is flooded, and is already crowded.
I encourage new ideas, and I certainly would love to pledge my support to young people (mind you, she is probably in her late 20s). But if it's anything I detest, that's pure stupidity.
Then again, she ain't stupid. She's just a personification.
Oh, for those don't understand the word "personification", it comes from "personify", which describes the girl (see above).
She's really good. Emailed and messaged me in English, and asked if I could speak Mandarin. So our entire conversation was in Mandarin, which was tiresome, considering my vocabulary to insult her in her face was so damned limited. Hence, imagine my frustration double-folding throughout.
Ok, you guys can laugh like mad now, I don't mind. Pity me if you prefer, but just to let you know, I'm still willing to support the cause, just as long as I don't need to deal with her.
I'm not in entirety heartless, or devoid of a human side. Neither am I some great person abled and great to support any cause to its fullest potential, but why should those SHE has convinced over her plans suffer and not get help just because SHE herself is stupid in human form?
Loves, I think I've lamented enough. Shan't go on about this like forever. Time to sleep. The current project is taking a toll. Cheers.
Friday, March 02, 2007
ONCE EVERY TURN
If there was a following, I second the notion. Once every so rare, a good song makes it to the big screen, pondered over by the makers who cracked their heads feeling blindly a score that was never even started. More than 2 decades back, 2 did sit and make one: The Color Purple. This year, Dream Girls.
Believe me. Having been a big time anal music critic,
this has been one of the finer pieces.
The Color Purple.
Believe me. Having been a big time anal music critic,
this has been one of the finer pieces.
The Color Purple.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
CiRCUS iN MOTiON
I've been too focused on too many things at a go, making me, very distracted. I flipped the YouTube channels again and again, searching for real good laughs, but still end up choking myself in my misery.
Then I finally decided to break. I allowed myself to grieve. I made time for despair, and eventually took a dive.
Fresh.
The kid who was so used to put a cool full front became a shell of his own demise. I threaded carefully for solutions but as far as the eye can see, I've been fooling no one but myself.
At the brink of shut, juggling between the dilemmas of acting and dramaticing, of cool-headedness and composure, it became a wide divide of crap.
I want to make it real good, but traumatic forces pushed me way back into the depths of make-believe. I need to garner enough strength to piss myself off and steam through it all, but always somehow stopped short of a full-blown effect. I've been waking up in sweats for the last few nights cos I just can't stop churning in the head for an easier way out.
There is no way out, except to blow a fucking hole in the wall and literally walk through it. So now? I'm pulling in more than enough explosives to do that.
Of hill-top views and menace-retreats, I'm heading out the door with a bang.
Plus me, or minus me, its a brand new feeling. I'm hating a lot of things now, and there ain't stopping me.
Then I finally decided to break. I allowed myself to grieve. I made time for despair, and eventually took a dive.
Fresh.
The kid who was so used to put a cool full front became a shell of his own demise. I threaded carefully for solutions but as far as the eye can see, I've been fooling no one but myself.
At the brink of shut, juggling between the dilemmas of acting and dramaticing, of cool-headedness and composure, it became a wide divide of crap.
I want to make it real good, but traumatic forces pushed me way back into the depths of make-believe. I need to garner enough strength to piss myself off and steam through it all, but always somehow stopped short of a full-blown effect. I've been waking up in sweats for the last few nights cos I just can't stop churning in the head for an easier way out.
There is no way out, except to blow a fucking hole in the wall and literally walk through it. So now? I'm pulling in more than enough explosives to do that.
Of hill-top views and menace-retreats, I'm heading out the door with a bang.
Plus me, or minus me, its a brand new feeling. I'm hating a lot of things now, and there ain't stopping me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)