GUTHRiE

Here's finally something new I wrote:

GUTHRIE

I wanna tell you something I never said before so let's not polarize it
I don't wanna break your mind no I really don't wanna talk a thing about it

The truth is I don't even know where to start
I don't really know if I can make a point about it
But I wish to say it as you ought to know it and
I can only try to say it like I think i know about it

And when you feel like that nothing stays the same That we can all just make mistakes Well It's fine, oh

And when you feel like that the time has come for change
That the world is as insane
We'll be standing here hand in hand again

When you feel like you're done with all the games
But you stop to try again
By your side I can

And when you feel like we've all come to an end
That no one stays ahead
And everyone just fades away

And I will find the reason to change
Feel like fading away

Some place some time you will find
The sweetest memories inside
Leave your tires all behind Fly

And when you feel like fading away
And when you feel like fading away

How about that for a change? Something absolutely emotive from zero. I guess it all came about when work got a little tiring and everyone seems so maxed out.

A lot has happened since, particularly with me being too over zealous with people and things: for trying to be helpful I think I got myself into a lot of back paddling, not to mention some crazy backward rearrangements for shitloads of things.

A moment please... I'm sitting alone by the beach listening to Guthrie drinking wine watching stars replying messages smoking cigar and feeling sore.

I'm really quite sick of being stuck in limbo and not having any support to move forward. And for trying to make a change, I'm getting quite battered for being arrogant, annoying, scheming, and everything else all connected to bad. There's a party that is always on without me. And I'm that one black sheep trying to make things different. So I asked myself finally: worth it?

No.

So what now really. I feel like fading away to escape all of these madness of self-perceived goodness, when in fact nothing really needs me for except that select few who loves me so very dearly. I am a writer self-absorbed in vanity of my mind's prowess.

Suddenly, the word "expectations" came up. It's always I expecting something or you expecting something else. I don't get how all these expectations will eventually pan out especially when it comes to everyone trying to be et naturale. The essence of being treated fairly is always lost when one expects the other to deliver and the other refuses to.

I think Guthrie should be heard by the beach with a breeze, like how I'm listening to it right now.

it's quite incredible sitting here looking into the wide dark skies. Where stars used to be, it's like now a patch of cotton candy clouds. Somewhat magical. Oh I do wish you were by my side.

I'm actually quite sick of blogging right now. The alcohol is kicking in and I'm trying hard to stay relative to my environment. Lol.

Hello YJ! Stop snooping around on my blog! LOL

THE DiSTANT VOiCE

I suddenly remembered how much I've neglected you my dear blog. These days, it seems easier to just tweet an instant emotion, thought, or query than sit in front of a keyboard and hammering away. But I also do realise, that when it comes to expressing the full string of expressions, tweets and FB updates just don't make the cut.

So I finally decide to recap as quickly as I can on my journeys the last couple months.

Dec 2011

I made a trip to Bali, my first and probably the last. I enjoyed myself thoroughly minus all the rippers that I encountered along the way. Lost some money to pay my way out of instances, but seeing the city side made up for it. Plus, I did make the trip with someone close, not anyone I could have discovered to be annoying during the trip. So that's a big minus, and two nice pluses.

The whole trip was quite unplanned, so the Villa, the beach bars, the clubs were all excellent surprises. The shopping was amazing, but blew quite some bucks there, and the water sports were, interestingly so-so. Expensive, yet not very fun with just 2 people running about. Christmas was spent there, so that's a first too.

Jan 2012

I returned to Singapore already. Work that needed to be cleared, were, and new projects made their way in. It was decided that we take a nice long week's break during the New Year, and we did just that. Expansion of the company was supposed to come around, but Fengshui dictated a somewhat grim outlook, with staying the status quo being the best policy. We held on, made some minor adjustments and arrangements in the office, and moved on.

Hired a new girl, which frankly, we thought was diligent, mature, and quite fitting for the team. Beyond that, we are just trying to survive.

New Year was great, caught up with plenty family and friends, some of whom I had an enjoyable time with.

Feb 2012

Is my month. I spent my birthday with a day off from work just to sit and idle by the beach. Perfect birthday.

Then came the nightmare of having to finish an entire TV series at breakneck speed. We're still at it, just that it seems to come fast and furious, and also finish with bangs and fireworks.

The Press Conference was a huge success apparently, so let's see how it performs during broadcast. Most of all, this be the first series with proper credits for the team, I like.

Present

Well, beyond all that has happened, 2011 rounded up with loads of work, a good healthy company turnover, and certainly a sweet holiday-end. 2012 seems tough, even though the world saw some really catastrophic incidences (damaged nuclear plant in Japan, change of leadership in North Korea, even major floods in Thailand), I think we survived a tumultuous year with something to smile about: being alive.

This year I made some commitments too - I bucked up with some repayments of old debts, looking to buy a vehicle to commute, and perhaps plan another trip to relax. I'm keeping my fingers tightly crossed that I persevere and achieve the goals.

My only setback is that my relationships with some seem strained. I'm working on them, but a few just seem like beyond salvation. I sound morbid I think, but granted, there's only so much a hand can do to produce a clap. I look forward to glorious days and loving moments, but each time it just whizzes pass so quickly that it's hard to indulge in them. That, is definitely something I want to work further on.

Looking bright amid dark clouds, that's how it's going to be, and I'm still trying to stay upbeat, relaxed, positive, and motivated.

Wish me luck cyberspacemen.