My favorite song
It's finally come. The vision that's marred the clarity of the crystal blue sky, with fragments of clouds that spears it in an unstrung ensemble of beauty weaved by the very unintended haul of mother earth.
I thought I could get over this as quickly, but it didn't.
After all the efforts in ensuring the work stays clean, and so will the reputation, I think the work's taken a dip with all assurances. I've not felt this low in a long time, which really means I've gone way out of line in remembering to upkeep myself with my experiences and unfortunately, memories. I almost didn't know what else to think except how much I'm taking a beating from myself because I have failed in ensuring I stayed learned about my ways, and that I will never repeat the same mistakes.
In that the trying to avoid errors could have made me so tense at this moment, unknowingly, but it sure feels bad.
On the drive back home, it feels like the world couldn't stop spinning around me. I had this fainting sensation of an imminent car crash that would erase all that I've done, been to, spoken with, sung to. Yet, all I could barely scrap out of was why in this dire times, is someone still out there partying.
I don't know how else to grieve about my situation. I don't know who to grieve to. And I don't know how long I can take the suspense of the consequences of the current circumstantial moment of truth. It almost makes no sense to be thinking I'm not okay, for the fact that, if mistakes are made, salvage and repair, or let it go. Period.
I really wished this has been easier to bear. But, it has not. I really don't know what else to think, say or do. Sweet dreams I, for nightmares have wounded me every night.
