SHiNE ON

LOL. Happy! Actually got this done within a couple hours. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

This was actually written in 2002 I think, or at least the original files said so. Ripped it apart and re-assembled the song cos it had a strong magnetic persona about it, or at least for tonight. Oh well, it wouldn't be going into the new album that's for sure.

"it feels kind of cold, when darkness seemed to come too fast, and all I loved had crumbled to dust. there's a tear in my eye, another comes when the first is done, would you please?"

"cos I am not what I thought, and I can't see where I would be, so please just take me away. cos I fear just being here, with words I've heard in my ears, just shine a light to show me the way."

"just show me the way. leave a light on me"

Cheers

SHiNE

Shine - Nightsound

LEAVE A LiGHT FOR

I suddenly found myself blogging loads in the last couple days, probably due to the fatigue dealing with mindless crap. Just found this song on a strayed CD, not too sure where it came from, but will try do something for it and see what I can come up with.

Before that, gonna head to the toilet. BRB.

Back. Let me go find the original files and do something about it. Can't stand it =)

ViLE OF VEX

I've honestly lost the will-power to talk about my current issues. I can't seem to say what I feel anymore about them at the back of my head. Mom has decided to pull her favorite stunt of not talking to me, for whatever reasons she feels right about.

It's really tearing me down.

First, she was against throwing things out as proposed by bro over the renovations. And when bro decided to talk to her, she didn't even look at him, just simply angry. So I stepped in and told her to at least talk it out. That must have been her trigger point. And since Monday, that was it. She refused to talk to me.

For the first time in 30 years, I actually feel like moving out. And maybe I should after all.

MOODLESS

I'm seriously frustrated and stressed out with some family members. That pressure to get things moving in tandem with mounting clients with-holding payment for work done, as well as the show, just gets incredibly big by the day. Maybe I'm putting myself through this unnecessarily, but having to deal with issues I did not create is wearing me out. And fast.

Well, I'm praying hard to get by and stay as positive as I can. Till things look up, even for a day, that be a really huge blessing.

For those affected tremendously by the plummeting stock market, you have little of my sympathy, but I certainly wish you well.

FABRiCATiON

That's that. I'm so close to crying right now that it isn't useful to even think about it anymore. I think... I've been patient enough. I also think, I've been good. Maybe, just maybe, doing all these show things are honestly not worthwhile.

So it seems I'm not really prepared. Truth is, I can't prepare much when the people involved aren't pitching in enough to help me out here.

And I go around barking at people for things, when people seriously aren't really interested. I can so tell... It's hard when you have to take instructions I know. But if there isn't contributions, then somebody's gotta do something. That ass has got to be me.

I'm sick of being an ass. Really. Why should I bear that brunt for so many others, when I can use all that time, effort, and money to go holiday, rejuvenate, and live life? Maybe I was right... people are just simply sluts for their wants. I included.

Well, I can't really blame anyone except myself for starting this.

MY APOLOGiES

I'm so sorry blog... I've really slowed down on the posts here... I promise to pick up the pace yeah!

REALiSE

I'm so sick and tired of working to pay off debts. It's draining me so much to the point I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Consistently, I burn weekends just to get more jobs, cut more sales, or try to improve something that could possibly be more useful for the money. But..

I so need someone to talk to right now, but no one's available, and I'm dying inside knowing I've done so badly in my social circle because time has been dedicated to undo all that's gone bad previously. I hate it.

But. Surviving this is so critical for my eventual evolution to being free. Break the chains so to speak, yet nowhere close.

And at this rate, the body and mind's not gonna take the amount of punishment I'm throwing them to, which would naturally deteriorate the evolution process to minimal, then nothingness.

Remember, I miss you yeah.

RED HiLL MiNiNG TOWN

My favorite song


It's finally come. The vision that's marred the clarity of the crystal blue sky, with fragments of clouds that spears it in an unstrung ensemble of beauty weaved by the very unintended haul of mother earth.

I thought I could get over this as quickly, but it didn't.

After all the efforts in ensuring the work stays clean, and so will the reputation, I think the work's taken a dip with all assurances. I've not felt this low in a long time, which really means I've gone way out of line in remembering to upkeep myself with my experiences and unfortunately, memories. I almost didn't know what else to think except how much I'm taking a beating from myself because I have failed in ensuring I stayed learned about my ways, and that I will never repeat the same mistakes.

In that the trying to avoid errors could have made me so tense at this moment, unknowingly, but it sure feels bad.

On the drive back home, it feels like the world couldn't stop spinning around me. I had this fainting sensation of an imminent car crash that would erase all that I've done, been to, spoken with, sung to. Yet, all I could barely scrap out of was why in this dire times, is someone still out there partying.

I don't know how else to grieve about my situation. I don't know who to grieve to. And I don't know how long I can take the suspense of the consequences of the current circumstantial moment of truth. It almost makes no sense to be thinking I'm not okay, for the fact that, if mistakes are made, salvage and repair, or let it go. Period.

I really wished this has been easier to bear. But, it has not. I really don't know what else to think, say or do. Sweet dreams I, for nightmares have wounded me every night.

MiSSiNG

That's how long I've not been around this part of cybertown. If only I had more of an inspiration to keep the feet firmly flat on the ground, this place might be more spruced up than its current condition. Besides blabbering about work on the main blog, I've got so much more to be lamenting here. Just not tonight. Perhaps a real round-up really soon.

Cheers cyberspace.

C FLiCKS

Sorry, but I can't help feeling very cheated over how I run my projects. It's like, inspiring as it may be, to be taken advantage of so unguardedly and openly just feels awful.

I know its all about looking forward, but even at a personal level, people think I'm some jerk around toy sometimes.

Sad to say, people who point the fingers at the flaws of others seldom see the flaws in themselves. I'm currently bedridden with what to do next for the company and myself. It's a pity to let it go, but the rent is something I'm just not simply ready to pay out just because it is "the current rate". Tell me long-standing relations matter, yes, for sure, but it certainly doesn't quite feel like it.

Well, fuck it. I'm done thinking and worrying. If things still persist in their current flow, it's about time to pull the stops and just move on.

LATE

Well, work is wearing me thin beyond 2D, and I can't imagine what it would be like to head back down to the beach. If you've noticed, there's plenty going on over at the main blog, which pretty much boils down to having very little time to deal with this one, not to mention the main one.

Doesn't matter though, spirits have been rather high cos there's just simply too many projects to do, and so little time to think about all things unpleasant. Save for that bad brush with an old nemesis, I think its all pretty much that.

Wind down a little would ja!

HAPPY CNY!

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR ALL!