Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
CiRCUS iN MOTiON
I've been too focused on too many things at a go, making me, very distracted. I flipped the YouTube channels again and again, searching for real good laughs, but still end up choking myself in my misery.
Then I finally decided to break. I allowed myself to grieve. I made time for despair, and eventually took a dive.
Fresh.
The kid who was so used to put a cool full front became a shell of his own demise. I threaded carefully for solutions but as far as the eye can see, I've been fooling no one but myself.
At the brink of shut, juggling between the dilemmas of acting and dramaticing, of cool-headedness and composure, it became a wide divide of crap.
I want to make it real good, but traumatic forces pushed me way back into the depths of make-believe. I need to garner enough strength to piss myself off and steam through it all, but always somehow stopped short of a full-blown effect. I've been waking up in sweats for the last few nights cos I just can't stop churning in the head for an easier way out.
There is no way out, except to blow a fucking hole in the wall and literally walk through it. So now? I'm pulling in more than enough explosives to do that.
Of hill-top views and menace-retreats, I'm heading out the door with a bang.
Plus me, or minus me, its a brand new feeling. I'm hating a lot of things now, and there ain't stopping me.
Then I finally decided to break. I allowed myself to grieve. I made time for despair, and eventually took a dive.
Fresh.
The kid who was so used to put a cool full front became a shell of his own demise. I threaded carefully for solutions but as far as the eye can see, I've been fooling no one but myself.
At the brink of shut, juggling between the dilemmas of acting and dramaticing, of cool-headedness and composure, it became a wide divide of crap.
I want to make it real good, but traumatic forces pushed me way back into the depths of make-believe. I need to garner enough strength to piss myself off and steam through it all, but always somehow stopped short of a full-blown effect. I've been waking up in sweats for the last few nights cos I just can't stop churning in the head for an easier way out.
There is no way out, except to blow a fucking hole in the wall and literally walk through it. So now? I'm pulling in more than enough explosives to do that.
Of hill-top views and menace-retreats, I'm heading out the door with a bang.
Plus me, or minus me, its a brand new feeling. I'm hating a lot of things now, and there ain't stopping me.
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