Sometimes in life, we are sorry. So sorry that there is no more reasons for any excuses. And any reasons also don't make any sense any more. It's irritating.
The worst part is, it's so easy to fall in love, but so hard to love. And I'm really sorry for myself. Doesn't matter that I may have a heart of gold, or whatever else others say, nobody wants it for real. Perhaps everything came too late. Or perhaps I'm not content.
I can keep trying, but that's as far as I would go. That's it. Nobody will wait. And today, I'm sorry. I got lost but found a friend =)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
HEADED
I travelled up yesterday, and it's been too many flights in too short a time already. Just had a long seafood dinner and already, it's a changed environment.
Ir wanted so badly to get a massage, and well, given the situation, she can't. Ended up, now I'm sitting in this up market foot massage place trying to act as cool as I can... But the pain and tickle is shit. I hate this!!!! And the masseurs are still joking and having fun.... But I'm still trying to act cool,"$):/569$(2/($&?,,!!8:;)$,/;!&@ Ir i is so hate you!!!!!!!!!
The villa is nice! I so wish to put up some pictures but well connectivity is really awkward here. Should have signed for the plans. Anyhow, will post some when I can.
It's quite picturesque. Very to be honest. Never seen a place this beautiful in my life, maybe only in pictures. Quite unbelievable and I've got Ir to thank this time... Wish I'm good company enough.
Lol. This really cute Japanese teenage boy just finished his foot massage beside me! He's got no reactions at all OMG!!! @,,(:6kfxjks&,67oyd&?;€€?.\%+
A lot ran through my mind since I got here, and it doesn't help that I'm also here to work. The guys working here are extremely nice, but the efficiency leaves a lot of room for doubt. I can see the efforts, but somehow we aren't reaching our destination. I hope things turn out well on Monday.
Ok. Low batt, be right back once I get back to the villa. - 11.20PM
5AM already, and I'm just about to retire. Back in villa and brain's getting weak. Will blog more tomorrow.
Goodnight!
Friday, February 18, 2011
ONE THOUSAND
Considering the stay is rather worthwhile, I guess I can quite forgive the weather.
Today in Bangkok. Off to Phuket tomorrow. Noon flight, got to sleep soon =)
Monday, February 07, 2011
MAYBE iT WAS SO
Tonight made me realized nothing is real. For whatever that had happened, and has happened, it was not meant to be. Many things.
What probably disturbed me more is how volatile human relationships are. No matter how hard we try, there's that hundredth to one chance it just craps out.
Perhaps my own doings are my own demise. What we do wrong will eventually have to be paid back. That's the way things be. And had been. Has been. Will always be.
Today is the sixth day that it rained on my party. And that's the longest stretch ever. It's time to rise above. And watch the clouds.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
TAKiNG TiME
I thought I blogged a couple times after the last post, but I think each time it was intended, it never was really penned... I must have spaced out at some point in time.
The year started somewhat great, with loads of projects lined up that could certainly feed us for a while. Then I realised how pitiful it got just trying to manage the workload. Either way, it slowed down due to some postponements, and gradually just faded down.
Issues with the relationship surfaced yet again. While some says I simply don't understand, there are some sympathies for my predicament still. Honestly, it's probably not because I don't understand, but it's more like the bystanders don't really know the back stories enough to make a serious judgement about the case.
Anyway, it came to a final boiling point where personal emotions got in the way of official work, and that irked me big time. I'm okay with tantrums, but I'm just not okay when it's spent in front of clients or co-workers. It's unsightly, disgusting, and definitely not the best opportunity to air dirty linen. To make matters worse, it made the clients uncomfortable, something I would never want to over emphasise as grossly inappropriate.
But well, it still happened. And I exploded afterwards.
The difference this time is, I did not stop to control the outburst. I decided to just let it all come out. Those instances where you've put up with something for so long, and you can't hold it in any longer. Yeah, this time I have every right to explode. And why not? If someone else thinks they have a right to do what they did, why not I the right to react my way?
Think about it. It's truly straightforward. Someone can do something they think it's right, why can't I then? It's not about wrongs or rights, but it's come to a point of somebody wants to do something, and so do I.
So yes, that's the end of the episode for now. What else can there be?
These few days has bad news or happenings piling in and knocking on my already very volatile state of mind. And it doesn't help that my birthday tomorrow is gonna suck big time. What's worse, I dropped the keys into the lift shaft earlier on cos I was too tired and losing focus, buttered my fingers there even though I wasn't carrying much in my hands. Oh, I haven't gotten new clothes, so that's the other bummer. The biggest whammy: my bed broke a few days ago, and I rushed to get a new one only to have them deliver soonest with me fixing it up myself - and now the bed is in, it's a little too huge for the room.
I'm so heavily distracted by the needless relationship bugs that I think I've become so numb and shut out. Damn the believers who thought love was forever. Literally. 11 years of pain, I'm done.
So the ultimate question, why ain't I happy? Because I was not treasured as who I am.
This CNY will suck big time. I'm just gonna hide at home and pray no one disturbs me in my room. It be best I get my own space soon, before the nagging pours in big time just for that.
The year started somewhat great, with loads of projects lined up that could certainly feed us for a while. Then I realised how pitiful it got just trying to manage the workload. Either way, it slowed down due to some postponements, and gradually just faded down.
Issues with the relationship surfaced yet again. While some says I simply don't understand, there are some sympathies for my predicament still. Honestly, it's probably not because I don't understand, but it's more like the bystanders don't really know the back stories enough to make a serious judgement about the case.
Anyway, it came to a final boiling point where personal emotions got in the way of official work, and that irked me big time. I'm okay with tantrums, but I'm just not okay when it's spent in front of clients or co-workers. It's unsightly, disgusting, and definitely not the best opportunity to air dirty linen. To make matters worse, it made the clients uncomfortable, something I would never want to over emphasise as grossly inappropriate.
But well, it still happened. And I exploded afterwards.
The difference this time is, I did not stop to control the outburst. I decided to just let it all come out. Those instances where you've put up with something for so long, and you can't hold it in any longer. Yeah, this time I have every right to explode. And why not? If someone else thinks they have a right to do what they did, why not I the right to react my way?
Think about it. It's truly straightforward. Someone can do something they think it's right, why can't I then? It's not about wrongs or rights, but it's come to a point of somebody wants to do something, and so do I.
So yes, that's the end of the episode for now. What else can there be?
These few days has bad news or happenings piling in and knocking on my already very volatile state of mind. And it doesn't help that my birthday tomorrow is gonna suck big time. What's worse, I dropped the keys into the lift shaft earlier on cos I was too tired and losing focus, buttered my fingers there even though I wasn't carrying much in my hands. Oh, I haven't gotten new clothes, so that's the other bummer. The biggest whammy: my bed broke a few days ago, and I rushed to get a new one only to have them deliver soonest with me fixing it up myself - and now the bed is in, it's a little too huge for the room.
I'm so heavily distracted by the needless relationship bugs that I think I've become so numb and shut out. Damn the believers who thought love was forever. Literally. 11 years of pain, I'm done.
So the ultimate question, why ain't I happy? Because I was not treasured as who I am.
This CNY will suck big time. I'm just gonna hide at home and pray no one disturbs me in my room. It be best I get my own space soon, before the nagging pours in big time just for that.
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