I was hoping for a revisit, but seemed like I was too exhausted to keep up with myself or anything else for that matter. Truth is, whenever I go under, any newly established glimmer is worth diamonds.
I slugged to work today amidst the light drizzle, froze my ass off in the office, thinking about too many things to be of comfort. Was certain that at some point in time, it'll end up as with the befores - the looking forward dissipates into wishful thinkings, then re-engaging in routines that would certainly bored the ends off me.
What with a fistful of eagerness to accomplish my own findings eventually ends up always, as a comedic take on fantasies and childish thoughts.
Not too sure why, but tonight I suddenly played Lavender. It was nostalgic considering the circumstances it was recording in. And of all things, I found myself awed by the ability to form correct lyrical musings and really pull it off as some serious discussion topic in musical form. Other than that, what appears to be massive efforts, is really just passionate tries.
Oh, did I mention the Mac glasses are back?! We've been lunching out, upsized, and I'm getting new glasses and running out of places to put them in the office. I got to find a way to put them to good use. Nice glasses to drink from if I might add, just a little too brittle when it breaks, and they break real easy. Bummer.
As usual, mum's dumplings got rave reviews like always. Good thing that if she ever had an off day on her cooking, it usually happens in-house, and not when they are done for gourmet-mad individuals. But well, they are good, and that's all that matters.
I'm getting out of hand on myself. Help? Got milk?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
5TH
Ah! The new blogger templates look fab!
"My mum was complaining about how 6th aunt scored $20K at the lottery after my 5th aunt apparently visited her (6th aunt) in her dreams. Mum was lamenting about how 5th aunt could have blessed her younger sister and not her, and she went on for a while more, with the conversation ending in a pretty light mood. I mean, mum wasn't angry or anything and she just said all that in jest, but it was her missing for 5th aunt that came out blaring.
I went back into my room after packing up the hall a little I think, and there laid my 5th aunt in a bodhisatta posture on my folded sofa bed. She rang out with a bright smile on her face, loud and sweet as she had always been, "Play your music!" I was pleasantly surprised at her presence, and made no attempts to argue.
I remember resting the stuff I was carrying into the room down, then popping in a CD into the hi-fi system. The song 'Misty' came on, something I wrote many years back. As the music played on, she sang along and said again, "Play your songs!" I smiled, and started digging for more CDs. The day went on with hardly any chatter, just plain enjoying the music, the quiet, the breezy sunny afternoon, and the peace that she somehow brought with her.
The night passed quickly, and the quilt had me covered from head to toe from a really deep sleep. The sun was up and I knew it, but refused to acknowledge the brightening day. Snoozing, like they say. And as I laid with sheets over my face to block out the light, I heard a sudden scurrying of feet that circled round me once, and stopped for a really long moment. Next thing I knew, somebody lifted the sheets off my face in a snap that woke me up in a slight discomfort. What greeted me was the sweetest face, smiling and beaming in awesome delight. There was no indication whatsoever of a wake-up call, just seemingly a gentle reminder to rise already.
[What happened next can only be explained in person.]
Still, the little boy soon ran out the room, leaving me to wake up in a slight stupor of sorts, but getting up to a brand new day. I tried looking around the house for the little chap, but he seemed to have just disappeared into thin air. And that was when I opened my eyes to a bright sunny day, as if all that was a mash of time."
I called mum afterwards, thinking how she might have missed 5th aunt cos she was out the house early. It was as if my late 5th aunt had come to visit, and she could not find mum. So while I slept, she needed someone to tell my mum that she's alright and doing fine. That's all.
The feeling of serenity and familiarity was not scary, or anything like that. But the very ache of losing her to cancer could have taken quite a toil on me personally for a while.
I remember rushing to JB a couple times cos she was in pretty bad shape, 'critical condition' like my 6th aunt mentioned. The frailty of the situation, circumstance, and 5th aunt herself was a sight that no one could comprehend in full. Once, when she needed blood, I did not hesitate to sign on a transfusion donation towards the blood bank, so that she could use the emergency blood first, while we replenished the stock in the bank. The shortage was blaring, and needless to say, any arrangements is a good one.
And despite my extreme fear for needles, I went, convincing my brother to do so too, as 2 packs were needed, and I could only contribute one.
Alas, no blood saved her.
The day she passed on was a strange day. I can't quite recall, but I wanted her to gain respect of her new status, and move on, and not to look back at the young children that she left had absolutely not willingly left behind. The exact moment of her death was also not witnessed by anyone, something all of us could not live with for quite a while.
I wish she's in heaven now, looking over all of us like a shining star.
Her great fancy over spicy savors will never be forgotten, as with how she would nap at grandma's feet in the afternoons, making it difficult for grandma to get up from her easy chair. Did I also mention how funny she can be?
----------+----------
The little one, is no mystery. I know it's a vision, and a vision that will happen at some point in time. My baffles are, who is he, and what do we have to do with each other. I've been pondering about it for the entire day, but all clues stop short of announcing what it really all means.
It's been a while since I've had visions. This one will lead to something very massive. If the visions re-engages tonight, I might not be too keen to find out in real life. Perhaps for me, sometimes keeping things dreaming and alive, is better than being come alive, and passing by.
The affinity and emotional values at this point in time is overwhelming. I've been overworking and over-clocking my hours - I hope none of these are contributing to the sights, even though the pleasantness was real enough to make my heart wrench and ache in absolute kindness and love. The aptness of this post would have been just a very gentle passing comment to remember what ticked 'back then', and had lead to something, for the better or for the worse.
I've been yawning. Goodnight cyberspace.
"My mum was complaining about how 6th aunt scored $20K at the lottery after my 5th aunt apparently visited her (6th aunt) in her dreams. Mum was lamenting about how 5th aunt could have blessed her younger sister and not her, and she went on for a while more, with the conversation ending in a pretty light mood. I mean, mum wasn't angry or anything and she just said all that in jest, but it was her missing for 5th aunt that came out blaring.
I went back into my room after packing up the hall a little I think, and there laid my 5th aunt in a bodhisatta posture on my folded sofa bed. She rang out with a bright smile on her face, loud and sweet as she had always been, "Play your music!" I was pleasantly surprised at her presence, and made no attempts to argue.
I remember resting the stuff I was carrying into the room down, then popping in a CD into the hi-fi system. The song 'Misty' came on, something I wrote many years back. As the music played on, she sang along and said again, "Play your songs!" I smiled, and started digging for more CDs. The day went on with hardly any chatter, just plain enjoying the music, the quiet, the breezy sunny afternoon, and the peace that she somehow brought with her.
The night passed quickly, and the quilt had me covered from head to toe from a really deep sleep. The sun was up and I knew it, but refused to acknowledge the brightening day. Snoozing, like they say. And as I laid with sheets over my face to block out the light, I heard a sudden scurrying of feet that circled round me once, and stopped for a really long moment. Next thing I knew, somebody lifted the sheets off my face in a snap that woke me up in a slight discomfort. What greeted me was the sweetest face, smiling and beaming in awesome delight. There was no indication whatsoever of a wake-up call, just seemingly a gentle reminder to rise already.
[What happened next can only be explained in person.]
Still, the little boy soon ran out the room, leaving me to wake up in a slight stupor of sorts, but getting up to a brand new day. I tried looking around the house for the little chap, but he seemed to have just disappeared into thin air. And that was when I opened my eyes to a bright sunny day, as if all that was a mash of time."
I called mum afterwards, thinking how she might have missed 5th aunt cos she was out the house early. It was as if my late 5th aunt had come to visit, and she could not find mum. So while I slept, she needed someone to tell my mum that she's alright and doing fine. That's all.
The feeling of serenity and familiarity was not scary, or anything like that. But the very ache of losing her to cancer could have taken quite a toil on me personally for a while.
I remember rushing to JB a couple times cos she was in pretty bad shape, 'critical condition' like my 6th aunt mentioned. The frailty of the situation, circumstance, and 5th aunt herself was a sight that no one could comprehend in full. Once, when she needed blood, I did not hesitate to sign on a transfusion donation towards the blood bank, so that she could use the emergency blood first, while we replenished the stock in the bank. The shortage was blaring, and needless to say, any arrangements is a good one.
And despite my extreme fear for needles, I went, convincing my brother to do so too, as 2 packs were needed, and I could only contribute one.
Alas, no blood saved her.
The day she passed on was a strange day. I can't quite recall, but I wanted her to gain respect of her new status, and move on, and not to look back at the young children that she left had absolutely not willingly left behind. The exact moment of her death was also not witnessed by anyone, something all of us could not live with for quite a while.
I wish she's in heaven now, looking over all of us like a shining star.
Her great fancy over spicy savors will never be forgotten, as with how she would nap at grandma's feet in the afternoons, making it difficult for grandma to get up from her easy chair. Did I also mention how funny she can be?
The little one, is no mystery. I know it's a vision, and a vision that will happen at some point in time. My baffles are, who is he, and what do we have to do with each other. I've been pondering about it for the entire day, but all clues stop short of announcing what it really all means.
It's been a while since I've had visions. This one will lead to something very massive. If the visions re-engages tonight, I might not be too keen to find out in real life. Perhaps for me, sometimes keeping things dreaming and alive, is better than being come alive, and passing by.
The affinity and emotional values at this point in time is overwhelming. I've been overworking and over-clocking my hours - I hope none of these are contributing to the sights, even though the pleasantness was real enough to make my heart wrench and ache in absolute kindness and love. The aptness of this post would have been just a very gentle passing comment to remember what ticked 'back then', and had lead to something, for the better or for the worse.
I've been yawning. Goodnight cyberspace.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
THE GREATER
I was suddenly reminiscing about something. Then I can't remember what it was all about. LOL.
It's been so long since I've actually came home early enough to do anything constructive, only to find myself smacked seated watching youtube and chatting with someone online. Then, it's already 3:30am in the morning... tired, not showered, sleepy, and very looking towards nothing.
Oh well... if only life is really just having a bud and watching the game.
I want to write music again.
It's been so long since I've actually came home early enough to do anything constructive, only to find myself smacked seated watching youtube and chatting with someone online. Then, it's already 3:30am in the morning... tired, not showered, sleepy, and very looking towards nothing.
Oh well... if only life is really just having a bud and watching the game.
I want to write music again.
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