I was supposed to join in for a recce today. Skipped it. I was supposed to attend a grand opening, skipped that too. Suddenly, I found myself in the studio, doing nothing. Popped in DVDs after DVDs, only to realise - I don't have anyone to talk to, hang out, or even meet.
I'm shittily lonely. Can't believe for everything I've done, I'm just here in the end on my own. Incredulously unbelievable. Is there a place for lonely souls to hang out? I'd like to know.
There was only Ming who gave me a chance to prove that I can be trusted. Turns out the other way now. But at the very least, someone believed. For a moment.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
UNDERSTANDiNG
I guess it's true that I'm getting way too emotional about things right now. Thinking back, its hard to just give up on something that I would really want to pursue, be it skill, love, or life even.
It's also true that all we need is that one person to tell us to wake up, and everything would fall into the right places on its own. I have to admit, I get way to engaged when people I'm attracted to start distancing themselves with me. It's not like I did anything wrong, but I tend to warm up to people real quick, and probably send the wrong messages all the same.
But who really cares?
It's also true that all we need is that one person to tell us to wake up, and everything would fall into the right places on its own. I have to admit, I get way to engaged when people I'm attracted to start distancing themselves with me. It's not like I did anything wrong, but I tend to warm up to people real quick, and probably send the wrong messages all the same.
But who really cares?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Mi NGi M iS SUS OM UC H
Found myself back here again. So all this time it was me. Stay off the net Neil!
Saturday, March 05, 2011
MIMU
My world crumbled slowly around me, whilst reality kept moving in a direct straight line. Who would know that I be caught in such a pointless predicament of emotions that even I had no comprehension of.
I broke my last relationship cos it ran dry. But surely eleven years must have opened the floodgates of eternity. Alas I was wrong. I loved deeply, but it digressed into mere takings. There was little that remained truly, and I am devastated to know it could not go on. To make it worse, I was positioned as the hammer that drove the final nail in. That is not true. But who, would believe me now?
It also doesn't help that my work piled because of a simple case of miscommunication. Miscommunication. Such a long word, such a simple meaning, such a difficult understanding, such a gentle reminder, and such an awkward generic descriptor.
While the stranger that showed me the way back, somehow, I'm drawn to the invisible agenda, but more critically, I was duped into believing it will work. That somehow, I would be able to walk through the door of happiness just like that. I ended up just waiting, and waiting, and waiting.
It's been a long, long week plus, and I wonder why I did not stay put where I was. Thinking back, I suppose the Heavens gave me the best time of my life in a short 8 days. 3 of which was the only time I could ever imagine myself smiling silly, and the final day a tearful one. Yes, I'll keep imagining a reply. Yes I will. Yes, I know it wouldn't come. Yes, it will not.
By now I should be inspired enough to write a new album altogether. By now. Yeah. But by now, all I need is a kind reply to tell me it's over, that perhaps all these were but a poor joke meant to reveal my short time on earth.
I'm really maxed out like many times before. Somehow, this time it felt different. Somehow, it didn't seem like this is anymore exciting. It's painful, hurting, and making me sick.
MIMU for the 9th day. How many more days should I wait?
I broke my last relationship cos it ran dry. But surely eleven years must have opened the floodgates of eternity. Alas I was wrong. I loved deeply, but it digressed into mere takings. There was little that remained truly, and I am devastated to know it could not go on. To make it worse, I was positioned as the hammer that drove the final nail in. That is not true. But who, would believe me now?
It also doesn't help that my work piled because of a simple case of miscommunication. Miscommunication. Such a long word, such a simple meaning, such a difficult understanding, such a gentle reminder, and such an awkward generic descriptor.
While the stranger that showed me the way back, somehow, I'm drawn to the invisible agenda, but more critically, I was duped into believing it will work. That somehow, I would be able to walk through the door of happiness just like that. I ended up just waiting, and waiting, and waiting.
It's been a long, long week plus, and I wonder why I did not stay put where I was. Thinking back, I suppose the Heavens gave me the best time of my life in a short 8 days. 3 of which was the only time I could ever imagine myself smiling silly, and the final day a tearful one. Yes, I'll keep imagining a reply. Yes I will. Yes, I know it wouldn't come. Yes, it will not.
By now I should be inspired enough to write a new album altogether. By now. Yeah. But by now, all I need is a kind reply to tell me it's over, that perhaps all these were but a poor joke meant to reveal my short time on earth.
I'm really maxed out like many times before. Somehow, this time it felt different. Somehow, it didn't seem like this is anymore exciting. It's painful, hurting, and making me sick.
MIMU for the 9th day. How many more days should I wait?
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