SANS

I haven't type a decent post in months since I wired myself across all the various internet applications on the mobile phone. Then comes the big dreams of trying to plan for a very uncertain future, trying to convince myself that there is something to fight for after all. All that, and time seems to float by so quickly, looking forward to paydays just to pay the bills. I really wonder how long more before anything else can get better.

Investments seem to be the key word for me lately. Trying desperately to put money in useful things. Then, putting time into useful deeds. Yet all these time, things are only moving in baby steps. Of course, moving better than stagnating.

The weather's been freaky lately. Yup, I think we've destroyed enough of nature to bear the grudging brunt. Disasters everywhere, but people are still concerned about bombing one another, killing terrorists, anti-establishing... I don't know. I'm glad to see world events unfold, but I empathise with the next generation for they would be the ones to clean up the mess.

I'm looking forward this time, for myself, hoping to find a resolution of sorts to put some senses into a clearer perspective. Perhaps loving myself was easier without having to love others.

I'm still learning.

My next big goal: skirt the life crisis. Head straight to material goals and die happy.

UNTiTLED

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be famous, rich, or just simply over-loved. It's nice sitting here alone watching all these hot lesbian babes trudging through the area headed to the party for the night. It makes me a spectator. And spectators are the audience of what's going on. And what's going on is always nice to know when you aren't involved. Particularly the bad stuff.

I think I found my lost link to peace, in a way that means I've got nothing, nothing at all, to lose. That makes me powerful because I've no stakes in anything left. Just like fish and chips. It's just that. Too much oil and it burns. Too little complimenting sides make it dull. What do I want?

I think I need extreme attention. It makes me feel needed. But the worship kind, ya one, not the kind I need to spend time solving problems. Yes, that's the kind of attention I need. For the work I've done.

Dinner will be served shortly at 12:45 midnight. After a buffet spread that ended at 9pm. I think I'm a glutton. Very much lol.

Oh I love myself. Too little.

REASONS

I finally figured out why I wanted to leave you in the first place: you were either too busy, or too tired for anything. By the time you get back to me, I'm already too weak to respond.

That's why I wanted to leave you.

Today, I feel the same way.