DO WE?

Yeah! Do we even need to think about this?!

It's so natural... everything that goes right has no share, everything that goes wrong has someone to blame. Greatest law of nature: Goodness is taken, Blame oft orphaned.

PART iE

I was hoping to get all high and drunk, have an awesome time, paint the town red, be all excited. What I ended up with was a mixture of confusion, flawed anticipation, and false pretense. That was stupid.

Disappointing.

PRiZE

I was just surfing the web, watching some videos of Amita's performances, and got on to some recent footage of her win at an awards show. I like Amita a lot - for one, she's humble enough to admit that she's working really hard because she loves to sing, but on the other hand, she's not afraid to fail and to keep trying.

Then I kind of looked at myself - have I tried enough? Strangely, I started wondering what it's like to win a prize. But more importantly, what does it take to win a prize.

Mediocre and untrained. That's pretty much about me. My craft is basic, and my hearing is going. What will it take for me to win a prize? And, will I ever win one? What will I say when I get one if I ever? When will that be?

I've been to some nice glitzy prize ceremonies, and honestly, looking at some predecessors receiving awards when they're old and grey doesn't feel too good. A lifetime of work, and only a moment of glory too late into their years. Once, an ex-instructor of mine who was teaching a bunch of us ad-hoc in our school band previously, received an award after getting off his wheel chair, in his ripe age of 80. It was late, but it never was too late to some. Thing is, would it be worthwhile getting one by then?

Let's focus on one thing: do I qualify. I dare say, not this life. The truth has moved on, but I guess it can't be helped to keep wishing. And point is, if wishes come true, and dreams are realised, then wishes and dreams don't exist. If they do, they are what they are.

What's with being poignant about it? It's all about keeping yourself alive, and surviving life itself. Goodnight cyberspacemen.

SLOW

I had a small fight earlier with the girl again. But at least I'm proud to say that I kept my cool far more than I used to, and kept my composure. So that's a good start to being more patient.

Aah... patience... such a simple word, such a hefty task...

I'm still trying to grasp what I should be doing next. It does seem to point out that I've got options actually, I'm just not weighing them out at this juncture. Lazy maybe, but more like trying not to rush into things. Whatever's the case, I think I'll keep it cool too. Patience..