Now that I think back about how 300 men inspired an entire nation to rise up against their adversaries, I begin to think how I might be inspired to use the last 200 bucks in my coffers, to rise against this unbearable tide of failure.
And while the 300 men died heroically, will I, too, die trying, die a pauper?
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
SHOULD HAVES
I'm beginning to believe strongly that I should have done more bad things in this lifetime. Like spend more money, rip more people off, sleep and fuck around some more, drink even more, party more more, hang out way more, enjoy the materials things all the more.
My life is mundane. It has become loaded with responsibilities, kind heartedness, and worse, living with obligations based on an unwarranted guilt inculcated by the needs of others, and not my own. I feel I must do something to make others happy, so that I can be happy. I was wrong. I am still wrong.
I can't sleep well at night knowing I might have not done something for someone, or have been unable to assist someone, or even said something nice to someone. I've tried talking mean to my love ones when they deserved it, and in the end, I hurt myself more by forgiving them more than they really need to be. For all that I've forgiven, I cannot forget how mean they were, yet, unable to reconcile the fact that I love them all so much and cannot bear to not be nice.
This is a shit life. My life's a shit life. Really. The issues start when you're nice, and people begin to climb all over and take advantage of you being nice. I'm so used, and still, I'm nowhere.
I'm poor, I'm in debt, and I'm still trying to make ends meet. Worst part: I'm still trying to make people happy. Why? I do not know.
As of many other nights, tonight I feel helpless. I need some pointers, some advice, but I have no one to ask. It always feel like I'm alone whenever I have important things to decide, and there isn't anyone qualified around me to answer them, or even give their two cents worth. Its almost as if I live alone on an island, watching the world move on while I'm still stuck in isolation.
And even if I tried getting more heads together in an attempt to brainstorm what one million others before us might have already thought and attempted, everyone's busy, caught up, or simply not in the mood. And that leaves me fighting my lone war to benefit those who depend on me, while they continue on with their lives, oblivious to the struggles of the hand that feeds.
Well, laments aside, I want myself to know at least, that I'm in no perfect health. And since I'm gonna die soon anyway, I begin to ask why I might be responsible for everyone else's living when my own is shorter than the average.
There's this boy on my FB who has had multitude of illnesses, accidents, and bad relations. Yet, born with a silver spoon, he sprouts his cause for the GLBT community, but totally detached from others' woes. When he posts videos of bullying, accidental deaths, or even gorish content in real life, he could so simply laugh about it and take it like God's wicked joke on human life. And he is all glee when people bolsters his ideals, thoughts, or simply "words of wisdom", which in my opinion, are laden with half-truths and immaturity, and are hardly wise until you look it up in your own head.
Here's the difference: he is rich, not too bad looking, and best of all, assy. That makes him cool, attractive, and completely independent (based on his dependence on the wealth already bestowed upon him). And he goes around completely uninterested in his studies, cos he really don't need to, unconvinced with others' sincerity, cos he believes the world is dead just because he is ill, and critically believes the world owes him, and he has no responsibilities whatsoever to anyone else.
And the situation is as such: he has everything. And he can afford anything. And beat this: he don't care if you're alive, or dead. He is unafraid, and he is totally unconcerned what happens to you. Now hear this, he is very popular, and he has an army of wise sayings anytime you speak to him.
I really don't know how he ended up on my friends list, but he is like the epitome of good and evil. He opened my eyes to how someone can be so brave against everything and everyone else, yet, be worshiped like a demi-god with his words.
I'm appalled, and very dumbfounded. I'm disgusted, yet envious at the same time. I reflect my life as a mirror to his, and I see my own side as a broken, shattered imagery, while his is a gleaming shot of the perfection I so yearn.
SIGH.
I'm already quite close to a melt-down, my motivation is in the Fahrenheit, but unmeasurable in the Celsius. This is shit.
My life is mundane. It has become loaded with responsibilities, kind heartedness, and worse, living with obligations based on an unwarranted guilt inculcated by the needs of others, and not my own. I feel I must do something to make others happy, so that I can be happy. I was wrong. I am still wrong.
I can't sleep well at night knowing I might have not done something for someone, or have been unable to assist someone, or even said something nice to someone. I've tried talking mean to my love ones when they deserved it, and in the end, I hurt myself more by forgiving them more than they really need to be. For all that I've forgiven, I cannot forget how mean they were, yet, unable to reconcile the fact that I love them all so much and cannot bear to not be nice.
This is a shit life. My life's a shit life. Really. The issues start when you're nice, and people begin to climb all over and take advantage of you being nice. I'm so used, and still, I'm nowhere.
I'm poor, I'm in debt, and I'm still trying to make ends meet. Worst part: I'm still trying to make people happy. Why? I do not know.
As of many other nights, tonight I feel helpless. I need some pointers, some advice, but I have no one to ask. It always feel like I'm alone whenever I have important things to decide, and there isn't anyone qualified around me to answer them, or even give their two cents worth. Its almost as if I live alone on an island, watching the world move on while I'm still stuck in isolation.
And even if I tried getting more heads together in an attempt to brainstorm what one million others before us might have already thought and attempted, everyone's busy, caught up, or simply not in the mood. And that leaves me fighting my lone war to benefit those who depend on me, while they continue on with their lives, oblivious to the struggles of the hand that feeds.
Well, laments aside, I want myself to know at least, that I'm in no perfect health. And since I'm gonna die soon anyway, I begin to ask why I might be responsible for everyone else's living when my own is shorter than the average.
There's this boy on my FB who has had multitude of illnesses, accidents, and bad relations. Yet, born with a silver spoon, he sprouts his cause for the GLBT community, but totally detached from others' woes. When he posts videos of bullying, accidental deaths, or even gorish content in real life, he could so simply laugh about it and take it like God's wicked joke on human life. And he is all glee when people bolsters his ideals, thoughts, or simply "words of wisdom", which in my opinion, are laden with half-truths and immaturity, and are hardly wise until you look it up in your own head.
Here's the difference: he is rich, not too bad looking, and best of all, assy. That makes him cool, attractive, and completely independent (based on his dependence on the wealth already bestowed upon him). And he goes around completely uninterested in his studies, cos he really don't need to, unconvinced with others' sincerity, cos he believes the world is dead just because he is ill, and critically believes the world owes him, and he has no responsibilities whatsoever to anyone else.
And the situation is as such: he has everything. And he can afford anything. And beat this: he don't care if you're alive, or dead. He is unafraid, and he is totally unconcerned what happens to you. Now hear this, he is very popular, and he has an army of wise sayings anytime you speak to him.
I really don't know how he ended up on my friends list, but he is like the epitome of good and evil. He opened my eyes to how someone can be so brave against everything and everyone else, yet, be worshiped like a demi-god with his words.
I'm appalled, and very dumbfounded. I'm disgusted, yet envious at the same time. I reflect my life as a mirror to his, and I see my own side as a broken, shattered imagery, while his is a gleaming shot of the perfection I so yearn.
SIGH.
I'm already quite close to a melt-down, my motivation is in the Fahrenheit, but unmeasurable in the Celsius. This is shit.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
KRUNCH
I've been so slow with my blogging lately, that I think I should stop all the same! LOL. Nobody responses and hardly anyone sweeps by here. Oh well, what the heck.
I'm sick, heaty from too much BBQ chicken wings. Yeah, some people already reprimanded me over that, but shucks, how can anyone resist sitting in front of the TV, just gnawing away at the wings with a easy chili dip?!
And the worst part about feeling sick is that you know exactly what's wrong, and you're not putting a 101% effort to recover sooner. So there I go, still on cold drinks and fried food, even though they are in limited portions...
The biggest news to report on this October morning thus far, is that I'm about to owe people money, because a lot of others are owing me. Dammit. Bitches in the business world. I wonder what it will take for them to fall flat and stop cheating on others.
Anyway, I'm home early for a change, after a few days of round the clock work - see! working so hard although I'm so sick! that's gotta count for something - so I suppose resting early is priority now.
Cheerios cyberspace.
I'm sick, heaty from too much BBQ chicken wings. Yeah, some people already reprimanded me over that, but shucks, how can anyone resist sitting in front of the TV, just gnawing away at the wings with a easy chili dip?!
And the worst part about feeling sick is that you know exactly what's wrong, and you're not putting a 101% effort to recover sooner. So there I go, still on cold drinks and fried food, even though they are in limited portions...
The biggest news to report on this October morning thus far, is that I'm about to owe people money, because a lot of others are owing me. Dammit. Bitches in the business world. I wonder what it will take for them to fall flat and stop cheating on others.
Anyway, I'm home early for a change, after a few days of round the clock work - see! working so hard although I'm so sick! that's gotta count for something - so I suppose resting early is priority now.
Cheerios cyberspace.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
STAR STRUCK
I was appalled to see a link to Razor TV's renewed interview with Ris Low, the fallen Queen convicted of fraud and put on probation. If it wasn't enough of an episode from the start, Razor picked up from where they left off last: what happens now.
A myriad of questions were asked, seemingly directed to give Ris a chance to clarify and offer explanations to her incidences within the public eye. When it started off with questioning her capabilities, it was painful to watch a teenage girl admitting to her faults and mental conditions at such close-up personal levels.
Hundreds of comments that were divided with unease over if she was honest, or dishonest with her new revelations were astounding. Public opinions were either favorably empathic, or ridiculously doubtful, with barely a handful that showed even a small hint of neutrality.
Bashing her or patting her on the back was the order of the day.
However, upon closer scrutiny of the videos, the edit was favoring sensational news reporting, intended to incite emotional responses that have seamlessly led to the successful creation of the clips in the first place.
I was empathic towards the harshness of the media spotlight which she has suffered - likewise, I was conned into even completing the entire set of clips.
Evidently, not only was Ris led to answering questions with "sensational" answers that she was clueless about, the various edits made by the producers at Razor tightened the dramatics of the interview overall. What can be said, thus, is that the public had been led, and continues to be led into emotional opinions that in turn, creates a new wave of success for Razor TV.
Given our current state of immaturity towards the future - in various aspects of our everyday lives that is - the media continues to paint the town red for the sake of material gains, downright diminishing careful, mature, and even thoughtful assessments of events.
As our media continues to shape the future, I fear one day, we may all be thrown into the absurdity of bullish, even nonsensical answers, to the simplest question: who are you?
On hindsight, although Ris was given a chance to speak at her pace and air her thoughts, she was led by the nose to provide tacky answers enough to, in turn, lead the viewers by their noses to believe whatever Razor wants them to believe.
Who's the real loser now? The viewers.
A myriad of questions were asked, seemingly directed to give Ris a chance to clarify and offer explanations to her incidences within the public eye. When it started off with questioning her capabilities, it was painful to watch a teenage girl admitting to her faults and mental conditions at such close-up personal levels.
Hundreds of comments that were divided with unease over if she was honest, or dishonest with her new revelations were astounding. Public opinions were either favorably empathic, or ridiculously doubtful, with barely a handful that showed even a small hint of neutrality.
Bashing her or patting her on the back was the order of the day.
However, upon closer scrutiny of the videos, the edit was favoring sensational news reporting, intended to incite emotional responses that have seamlessly led to the successful creation of the clips in the first place.
I was empathic towards the harshness of the media spotlight which she has suffered - likewise, I was conned into even completing the entire set of clips.
Evidently, not only was Ris led to answering questions with "sensational" answers that she was clueless about, the various edits made by the producers at Razor tightened the dramatics of the interview overall. What can be said, thus, is that the public had been led, and continues to be led into emotional opinions that in turn, creates a new wave of success for Razor TV.
Given our current state of immaturity towards the future - in various aspects of our everyday lives that is - the media continues to paint the town red for the sake of material gains, downright diminishing careful, mature, and even thoughtful assessments of events.
As our media continues to shape the future, I fear one day, we may all be thrown into the absurdity of bullish, even nonsensical answers, to the simplest question: who are you?
On hindsight, although Ris was given a chance to speak at her pace and air her thoughts, she was led by the nose to provide tacky answers enough to, in turn, lead the viewers by their noses to believe whatever Razor wants them to believe.
Who's the real loser now? The viewers.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
TRUE iNSPiRATiONS
If we are even before Medieval times, I might actually be a very rich man just sitting around doing nothing and just think. I belong to the wrong fucking era simply. All those thoughts must have been worth a million more than what I am thinking what they have already thought about back then. DAMMIT.
Is there a job where I can just sit and think all day?
Anyway, I got this spark of insanity: if there is anyone willing to switch a life with me for any amount of time, you become me and I become you, leave a message somewhere around the blog where I can see it.
Oh, life's a real bitch when there's nothing left to think and do constructively.
Is there a job where I can just sit and think all day?
Anyway, I got this spark of insanity: if there is anyone willing to switch a life with me for any amount of time, you become me and I become you, leave a message somewhere around the blog where I can see it.
Oh, life's a real bitch when there's nothing left to think and do constructively.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
WELCOME TO 6TH OCTOBER
I'm alive! LOL. Came home with a massive burp attack, and I thought I was gonna die from you. But well, the chest tightens even as I type, feel like thumping the chests till they burst open just to get the stuck air out.
Yes, Clay, it isn't too hard to find me back here! Ha~ Google me and viola~!
But well, I'm still under the weather both physically and mentally. Having some work to do is pretty nice so far, takes the mind off and pushes the body quite a bit to really tire out. Think I really need to get back on my exercise routines soon before I totally phase that out without cause. Flabs are piling at all the wrong places, and I need to stay in shape for more things to come.
Laments laments. I will break free from this disease.
Yes, Clay, it isn't too hard to find me back here! Ha~ Google me and viola~!
But well, I'm still under the weather both physically and mentally. Having some work to do is pretty nice so far, takes the mind off and pushes the body quite a bit to really tire out. Think I really need to get back on my exercise routines soon before I totally phase that out without cause. Flabs are piling at all the wrong places, and I need to stay in shape for more things to come.
Laments laments. I will break free from this disease.
Monday, October 05, 2009
HOLA
Okay. Now I'm totally depressed. To begin with, nobody ever just looks me up. Secondly, the rejected applications swept me off my feet. Thirdly, I'm hungry and I feel like eating but my tummy's really flabby now. Lastly, I'm really tired.
Now I'm totally depressed like totally beyond totally. Call me a blondie, but I'm depressed.
Now I'm totally depressed like totally beyond totally. Call me a blondie, but I'm depressed.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
WHAT iS
And so nothing is. For someone who has the blessings on at least a successful factor, we are the ones who end up chasing wind and getting nowhere. 6 applications, 4 has already been rejected in under 5 days. Demoralising.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
HOW i GOT HERE
In case anyone wonders, I moved to blogging here cos of tblog's immense lack of functional updates. Even the simple task of posting an entry has become a nightmare after I started on Vista. Error-proned, I just kind of abandoned the thing altogether. But... I did leave behind my favorite song! LOL.
Much has happened, and nothing much has happened since I last made an entry. Aside from the astronomical pace of changes to the things and people around me, it's really quite hard to retell events that are insignificantly significant. How should I say? Redundance amidst chaos.
Too many arguments, too many processes, just simply too many things to laze over.
Geez... I really don't have the vibe to retell the past week.
Much has happened, and nothing much has happened since I last made an entry. Aside from the astronomical pace of changes to the things and people around me, it's really quite hard to retell events that are insignificantly significant. How should I say? Redundance amidst chaos.
Too many arguments, too many processes, just simply too many things to laze over.
Geez... I really don't have the vibe to retell the past week.
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