i SEEK CLOSURE

I do. I'm done asking why. I'm done trying. I'm done even done. Come on, make it snappy. Snappy snappy!

Let's recap:

Jan: Managed to put 3 other very dear individuals together to form the current team at work. Projects that spilled over from last year came through as the first projects under the new management. Steering the projects through with only one other working partner then. Things were just beginning to take shape.

Feb: Spent the Lunar New Year needlessly finding out waves of bad news within the extended family. But hey, who's to complain? This is probably the last New Year festival that I was actually looking forward to, since we got together to throw pineapples for good luck. We obviously did something wrong - something doesn't feel right.

March: I can't remember a single thing about March, except work and worries. Lining yup projects were difficult, and the economic downturn certainly didn't help. Nothing great about the month honestly.

April: Much like March, except that we totally missed out celebrating her birthday, a reminder that came just 2 days ago. So sore was she that I could not mend the damage at all. Here's the worst part: she got angry, I had to continue balancing work and holding the management together. The other working partner finally broke away from his previous job completely and joined in full time. Nothing in full swing though, since everything seemed to be in limbo. We also got a contract to teach. Projects stopped coming in, and the teaching/supervising project became the only bread winner.

May: Another partner joined, started putting a workflow together and pulling resources in proper. Nothing to report except that a storm was brewing that broke out the following month. All I could remember was: working through Labour Day.

June: Fights began breaking out, both at work and home. At work, getting used to my style became the buzzword, and fingers pointed fast and furious at the flaws. Nobody's fault, major mis-communications only that resulted in an almost complete meltdown of the managing team. Worst off, a family member closed shop, sank deep into debt, and I lent money that would probably not ever be returned.

July: More fights broke out - sporadic skirmish. Load of it. Morale was spiraling downwards, and recovering became a longer road. Projects dwindled in and just barely putting bread on the table. Situation at home hardly changed.

August: The Nation's birthday month, the company's dire month, the family's blank month. All the fighting was somewhat put to rest at work, and we were all trying to move on. Notable event: NDP sucked. I stayed home and watched, thoroughly disappointed. The Youth Olympics plucked no chords with us, except getting one related event project to work on. And yes, this project somewhat saved our sorry asses.

September: forth partner finally reunited. Hard battle to appease everyone, especially when individuals were under stressful conditions to perform, and put things together. Warped situations were hammered rudely into form, while personal agendas were being moved aside. Memorable moments: none. Work started pouring in for October through to December.

October: Total meltdown. Great way to start from scratch. Moods improved in all aspects, except my own. I was covering massive amounts of work, and frequencies started to knob towards the frantic end. Yes, it was all beginning to become clear we were all a joke. But to make it otherwise, extra efforts countered, but were simply insufficient to balance the backlogs. Best part, home was still - everyone was watching with anticipation to see if anything improved. Nothing did. I ran off to Australia in search of a shelter to fend off criticisms and everything else that had gone bad. 3 days later, I returned, fresh back into the melee.

November: Beyond-repair situation. I was maxed out, health dwindled. Too many projects to clear, working extended hours like never before. Company on the whole spelled trouble with failure to meet datelines. Panic pangs hit the air everyday. It was almost as if apocalypse arrived. Thankfully, some things panned out. We were saved somewhat. Then, her mom was diagnosed with cancer, and she's spreading herself so thin that I could no longer help with the cause.

December: Exactly. Here we are, work on a good track, life in dire. What a situation to be in. Health on the declined so rapid I could've just woken up not waking up at all already. I seek desperately a way to rectify the current situation again. Believe me, stepping in my shoes is as good as stepping on a land-mine. She's throwing amazing mood swings, and is hysterical about what lies ahead when there isn't much to prove the situation to be worse than it is at the moment. I've gotten into so many fights till I'm hanging half-dead. Murmurs are back, and my cough wouldn't go away. I'm beginning to suspect something much more serious than I know off. I'm so desperate for sleep, and some love. All I'm getting is a cartload of bull.

Dear friends and the beloved departed, help me.