TAKiNG TiME

I thought I blogged a couple times after the last post, but I think each time it was intended, it never was really penned... I must have spaced out at some point in time.

The year started somewhat great, with loads of projects lined up that could certainly feed us for a while. Then I realised how pitiful it got just trying to manage the workload. Either way, it slowed down due to some postponements, and gradually just faded down.

Issues with the relationship surfaced yet again. While some says I simply don't understand, there are some sympathies for my predicament still. Honestly, it's probably not because I don't understand, but it's more like the bystanders don't really know the back stories enough to make a serious judgement about the case.

Anyway, it came to a final boiling point where personal emotions got in the way of official work, and that irked me big time. I'm okay with tantrums, but I'm just not okay when it's spent in front of clients or co-workers. It's unsightly, disgusting, and definitely not the best opportunity to air dirty linen. To make matters worse, it made the clients uncomfortable, something I would never want to over emphasise as grossly inappropriate.

But well, it still happened. And I exploded afterwards.

The difference this time is, I did not stop to control the outburst. I decided to just let it all come out. Those instances where you've put up with something for so long, and you can't hold it in any longer. Yeah, this time I have every right to explode. And why not? If someone else thinks they have a right to do what they did, why not I the right to react my way?

Think about it. It's truly straightforward. Someone can do something they think it's right, why can't I then? It's not about wrongs or rights, but it's come to a point of somebody wants to do something, and so do I.

So yes, that's the end of the episode for now. What else can there be?

These few days has bad news or happenings piling in and knocking on my already very volatile state of mind. And it doesn't help that my birthday tomorrow is gonna suck big time. What's worse, I dropped the keys into the lift shaft earlier on cos I was too tired and losing focus, buttered my fingers there even though I wasn't carrying much in my hands. Oh, I haven't gotten new clothes, so that's the other bummer. The biggest whammy: my bed broke a few days ago, and I rushed to get a new one only to have them deliver soonest with me fixing it up myself - and now the bed is in, it's a little too huge for the room.

I'm so heavily distracted by the needless relationship bugs that I think I've become so numb and shut out. Damn the believers who thought love was forever. Literally. 11 years of pain, I'm done.

So the ultimate question, why ain't I happy? Because I was not treasured as who I am.

This CNY will suck big time. I'm just gonna hide at home and pray no one disturbs me in my room. It be best I get my own space soon, before the nagging pours in big time just for that.